Thursday, December 13, 2012

12/13/12 - I forgot to add this.....

Last month when we had the hurricane, lost power, trees down and all that good stuff...you'd think that the mail wouldn't be delivered....well, it was and I received a Jury Summons in the mail.  Don't get me wrong, I really wouldn't mind doing my civic duty but for $5.00 a day and just the idea of having to sit and really listen to everything said - I really preferred not to....The information needed to get out of serving was one thing I was able to reply with - having an illness would prevent me from serving....  I needed a letter from the doctor and with the weather and the gasoline lines I wasn't really able to get there so I called and asked if they could fax or mail me a letter.  This was done about November 3rd.  Days went by, no phone call or letter faxed or mailed to me.... I need to have my port flushed every 4 to 8 weeks if I am not doing chemo.  I had gone the last week of September and wasn't due until the middle of November.  I needed to reply to the county within ten days so I made a copy of my last/latest CT and MRI scan and sent it to them.  They replied that it was not what they wanted and I still had to report to them. To make a long story short (which as you already know me, I can't do it!)....I had to have my port flushed and I picked up the letter and faxed it to the county.

I did get a reply saying that I was excused.....now my neighbor and good friend had gotten the same Jury Summons....SHE had to go to the court house and she told me that this was going to be a 'murder trial'!!!!  She said that they asked people if they were unable to give at minimum of two/three weeks on this jury and needed to be excused to step aside....She said about 3/4 of them went to that side!  Took her all day before she was able to leave.  They had to interview everyone to find out their excuse, hers was that she and her husband had planned a vacation.  She also said that EVERY one that received this summons was called to show up.  Half the people went in the morning and the other half went in the afternoon.  She did get out of it.

Murder trial!!!  Two young guys in Phillipsburg supposedly killed someone........I'm sure it would have been an interesting trial but - if for some reason these two kids didn't do it and were committed - how awful I would have felt or visa versa....I really don't like the idea of putting someones life in my hands.....again, if you know me...I'd be the one of the jury members that would question EVERYTHING!!! and be a juror like the OJ Simson case!!!

Thursday, December 13th

I went LAST WEEK (Wednesday) for my CT scan and still haven't heard anything from the oncologist....not that it's a bad thing as I prefer to wait until the new year to find out the results of it....I'm feeling good and praying that: no news is GREAT news!     I'm afraid even if I see their name on my caller ID that I won't answer the phone right now....

For anyone that received my Christmas card and didn't see a 'holiday newsletter' in it...I figured I say enough about everyone and everything on this blog - so this is it = my daily newsletter!

Nicholas is in China for ten days (on business) and he called me yesterday morning, our time: 8:20 AM and his time: 9:20 PM....he called me from his cell phone and it sounded like he was in the next room!  Our connection seemed better -there - than when he talks to me from here!  The weather is winter time too - chilly!  He has the weekend off so he and his co-worker will do some sightseeing...asked him if he sees a Budda key chain to get me one!  He kind of looked last year when he went the first time.  I also saw the hotel that he's staying at on line - it's beautiful!!!!  So nice and has so many restaurants that he doesn't even have to leave the building!  I did ask him this time as he didn't remember or look last time === they have a gas mask right by the door and my question was, do they have a Bible....NO was his answer...hmmmm.

Paul and Samantha will be coming home soon!  Of course, not soon enough for me....but we did have kids to let them fly and boy did they leave the nest!!!!

Charlie is still putting in the pellet stove.  Thanks for the help from his brother Christopher in helping him put up the stone and lay the floor on the hearth...now Charlie is 'trying' to run the pipe up and out the chimney of the original fireplace....he was having such a hard time and found out the other day that he was actually missing one piece - now the puzzle of the pipes fitting together will work!  He's off tomorrow and will finish it up and we'll be HOT in our, kind of, chilly house.  The wood stove heats up the back of the house and this pellet stove should heat our bedroom (upstairs) and the rest of the front of the house (we have a high ceiling where the stove is).

I'm still putting up decorations around the house.  I was able to do 'some' because we had stored them in the basement (as Charlie thought it would be easier to have them already to go - when we move....which didn't happen THIS year)...and then I had to wait until he had time to get the rest of the stuff down from the attic.  Now with being busy, shopping and doing hair cuts...I'm a little behind and my house is definitely a mess!  Stuff in every room, nook and corner!!!

I'm not happy with our fresh tree this year...it looked so nice when Charlie put it in the stand...then I added the lights - lots of them and then the ornaments......and then - the branches started drooping!!!  My ornaments are too heavy for the branches!!!  Even the strings of lights are sliding off.  I don't even enjoy lighting the tree!  I usually keep the tree up until two weeks after new years...but this year = it will be down on January 2nd!  It's much narrower than ever too, I can't fit all my ornaments on it...and I have such beautiful ones that I can't even hang....I have to keep them in the box.  I did hang a few 'memory' ones on my screens (my screens are on the inside of the windows)...but those are the 'flat' ones too.....I was so upset that I was ready to take out our artificial tree but it was in the attic and having everything on it already - where would I begin to re-decorate....taking all the ornaments off and then the lights and then doing it all again....na, I just look the other way when I walk past it......and every now and then, I hear an ornament fall off.

I was checking some medical stuff on line and found that people that have had their gallbladder removed have a higher chance of getting colon cancer....hmmmm.  I didn't realize that and if I did, I may have gone for a colonoscopy sooner....so, my advise to anyone that has had this surgery - when you are 50 yrs. old = go for one!!!

Thank YOU again, for keeping me in your prayers and from our family to you: We wish you a very Merry Christmas and a healthy, happy New Year!!!

Believe in Miracles!!!!

Monday, November 19, 2012

Monday, November 19th

I finally got to Sparta Cancer Center!  Isn't that weird that I was excited to go there?!!!  When I checked in with the receptionist I told her I was getting my port flushed....When I went in the nurse said that she was happy that I made the appointment to see the doctor per her telephone call to me.....huh?  I never received a phone call......and then she asked me if I got the letter for the county for the Jury Summons....NO, didn't get that either.

She gave me the letter - and it was dated when I first asked...now, did she mail it to me?  If so, I never received it....being that our mailbox door is off (someone did it purposely) does that mean that whomever did this is also stealing our mail?

I saw Dr. May and besides having my port flushed they are doing blood work.  I will have a CT scan within the next two weeks, then we will see what direction we will go.

I've waited this long, I hope I can begin 'whatever' in January -- and enjoy this holiday season feeling as good as I do now!

They must have been slow today, my appointment was at 1 pm and I was out by 2 pm.....guess everyone is busy getting ready for Thursday --Thanksgiving!

On that note:  Happy Thanksgiving to ALL!  We have a lot to be thankful for.  Eat well, enjoy your meal...diets can start on the weekend or Monday - when all the leftovers are gone!

Friday, November 16, 2012

Friday, November 17th

Made my third (3) call to the oncologist today.  This time I only asked for an appointment to have my port flushed.  The other two times I asked not only for that, but to find out when I'd begin chemo again AND to see if I could have a letter for the county stating I am doing chemo and can not serve on a jury (I received a Jury Summons for Dec. 10th)....they were suppose to call me -- never received a call back! 

Charlie had minor surgery last Wednesday, the 7th and thought he'd be back to work the following day....he went back several days later (on Tuesday the 13th)......when he retires, it will be an interesting life!!!!  This is the first time, ever that I can remember, he just sat around doing absolutely nothing.

We had either 12 or 13 trees cut down on Wednesday.  One was okay and close to the back door of our house.  The guy looked at the root system and said it wouldn't be long before it would fall - roots and all....so that was our decision to have that one cut.  Amazing how one man climbed up the tree (which was reallllllly high) and took a limb at a time.  Our arbor didn't make it - which was okay as it was a little too narrow, and it looks nice without it now.  We have branches in two piles in the back and a lot on the sides of the driveway....and LOTS of huge pieces here, there and everywhere!  Charlie has to buy a 'new' chain saw as his old one gave out.  We have enough wood to burn for a real long time!

Charlie's brother, Christopher, is here today finishing up laying the tiles on the hearth and fake stone around the fireplace for our new pellet stove.  We are putting it (free standing) in front of the fireplace in the living room.  The wood stove is in the great room and heats the two bedrooms over the garage and the kitchen.  Our bedroom (on the second floor) is still chilly; this pellet stove will heat up our room and the back part of the house on the first floor (the rooms under our bedroom).  We're putting in all these great things which really makes the house self sufficient and then --- we'll put it on the market and sell it........

It will be a quiet Thanksgiving here.  Paul is still in Miami and Samantha down in S.C. at school....so it will be me, Charlie and Nicholas.  I'll serve the same food as if everyone were here:  lasagna, turkey, stuffing, veggies, potatoes and for dessert I will bake a cake (Nick doesn't care for apple or pumpkin pie).  I also have a small cheesecake that we will have.  I think this is the first holiday - ever - that it was just a total of three people!  Which makes for easy clean up!  Well, maybe not easy but faster.

I think I mentioned that we only lost power from Monday evening until Wednesday night...we were very lucky!  I was afraid to say it to all thinking that the power company may have realized that we shouldn't have had it that early....but for the last two outages that we had and being out for six days each time, maybe they felt we were due to have our power restored early!

I read on facebook that the Christmas tree that will be in Rockefeller Center is from Budd Lake/Mount Olive!  We had the house/salon there 25 years ago.  Nice to know that NJ was considered for this....

For not blogging several weeks, I believe you are all up to date on what's happening here!

Happy Thanksgiving wishes to all!


Friday, October 26, 2012

just venting - no health issues....Friday, Oct. 26

Is this an omen or what....for some unknown reason I am meant to stay at home!

Hurricane Sandy....when was the last time, this year, that we had to worry about a hurricane in our area?

Just when we (Charlie and I) were planning on attending our niece, April Halvorsen's (Charlie's sister Cathy's daughter), wedding in S. C......everything was going along just fine.

Charlie made his reservations, along with his sister Mary, booking a flight down and back home for a long weekend....a few days later, with me feeling as good as I do and not doing chemo, I thought it would be nice to get-a-way especially for a wedding and to get a chance to see Samantha.

The best laid plans.....When Charlie went to print out our boarding passes only mine came up....what the heck happened....he booked his own flight and it was confirmed and then when he did mine they cancelled his???? without them telling him????  What the heck is going on?! and then only giving you 24 hour notice (to print out boarding passes) to find out.  To make a long story short (which you all know I have a hard time doing)....he booked a flight from Newark to Charlotte, N.C. (a mear two hour drive to his sister's house, rather than the norm 1 hour drive from the closest airport in Greenville/Spartanbur, S.C.)....now the fare is not at the first (less expensive original) price...it's now almost $800.!  To book both of us?  Way too expensive!  and then knowing the hurricane was coming - I just wasn't comfortable going.....so is this an omen or something?

One of our last family vacations was during Thanksgiving week - our cruise - from NYC to Fla, Nassau and someplace else -- which we never got to!  A nor-east-er!!!!  In the end of November!!!  We ended up on the ship in Virginia!!!  never got any farther than that. 

I tell you, I am not a person to leave my home!!!

Now to pray that Charlie and his sister come back home on their scheduled flight = Monday, the 29th to arrive in Newark about 12:30 pm......

Before all this, I had been talking to a friend, wondering if I should take Dramamine....a short flight....then heard the weather forecast and bought it....packed my luggage...then found out about this error in the flight arrangements......Dramamine stayed home with me, as well as my suitcase!

Nicholas was going to stay here with Jersey, Marlee and the cat....and one night (Sunday) he was going back home for work in the morning and not having to commute from here; Joni (our neighbor) planned on sleeping here with the pets (as they were never alone at night before).....and now, I have plenty of food, a clean house, and boredom!!!! 

Okay, done venting....I'm feeling fine.....not sure when I will begin chemo.  Dr. May would like me to get a scan first and I may have to wait a full 8 weeks to do that for the insurance to pay....I will find out next week what our schedule will be.....

Hope we all survive Sandy!!!!  Our generator is ready for a 'full house' run - water, TV, refrig., oven....all the basic necessities that we never had with a power outage.....I'm ready for anything!!!  Well, just about anything!

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Wednesday, October 10th

Just realized that I haven't blogged in a while.....everything is fine.....I feel great - like my old self!  I think that's a good thing!!!  Being able to collect social security = means I'm old! but I don't feel like it!

I didn't re-read my last blog, so I may end up repeating what I've said.  I will begin chemo again - most likely in the middle of November.  Charlie and I are going to S.C. to our niece's wedding which I decided to go when I realized = why sit at home when I can go along! and even get to see Samantha!  Nicholas will be staying here with the dogs and cat.

I had mentioned to Dr. May that 'maybe' instead of doing the chemo every other week - maybe once in a while we can skip a week.  She never replied about that - but I'm thinking = it's my body and I'm sure she'll go along with it....what can she do if one week I decide NOT to do the chemo?  She can yell at me = but she isn't a mean person like Dr. Kemeny!!!!    I still re-live that day in my mind every so often!  What a day mare!!!!

Sam is enjoying school...she has a lot on her plate....always keeping busy.  Being 21, having 2 great roommates, going to the gym, football games and tailgating, making some money and getting some money for food while living away from home....duh, no brainer!  What a life!!!  and it's warm there!!!

Paul is down in Miami Beach, weather has been iffy - one day some rain, another day its beautiful out.  He's been going on lots of casting calls that he is requested....but still waiting for 'that right job'.....he's been working some too.  This past weekend he and his roommate went driving around and checking out the area....He even got his first haircut (not by me!)...at first he didn't like it and then when he styled it, he was happier.  He had asked me for that haircut but I told him he wouldn't care for it.  Glad someone else did it first! 

Nicholas has been busy with work and traveling.  A week ago he was in Denver, Colorado - he arrived on Sunday and left Wednesday afternoon to go to Birmingham, Alabama - flying into Atlanta, Georgia then driving to his destination and stayed until Friday afternoon......I asked him when he gets up during the night = does he remember where he is?!  His next trip is the Philippians! for 10 days!  He brought me back some chocolate from Brussels.....I enjoy my chocolate.....but this chocolate....OMG!  it is sooo smooth going down.  If you ever have a chance to taste any chocolate from Brussels - do it!!!  He brought Charlie back his bottle of beer....Charlie has so many bottles from all over the country/world, he's running out of space on his bar!  He needs to build another shelf to put them on!

This weather is changing too fast for me.  Pretty chilly out there!  If my Mom was still here - we'd have the heat on....but with the cost of oil being so high, I can cope with the chill in the air.  Charlie puts the wood stove on when he gets home at night.  Thank goodness I still get my power surges - they don't last long, but long enough that I warm myself up!

I guess you're up to date now....living life and enjoying it!    Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers.

IF you remember, mark your calendar:  Saturday, October 13th at noon - please say the Rosary.  It is the anniversary of the Blessed Mother - Lady of Fatima.....please pass this along to anyone you know.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Thursday, September 27th

I went to Sparta Cancer Center to have my port flushed (this should be done if the port is not accessed for chemo and should be done between 4 to 6 weeks)...it's flushed with a saline solution.

I spoke with Dr. May afterwards and told her my experience at Sloan and the lovely Dr. Kemeny.  She laughed and said she was sorry but she had a feeling she may not have any bed side manners!!!  Anyway, I told her what was suggested = chemo and the pump put in....Dr. May said the same thing as we did this last time...why do chemo AND the pump....do one or the other.  She also said there is a new drug and something I should think about.  I still have to 'look it up' but I think I remember seeing it on the Sloan site.  One of the side effects could be 'bleeding'...I think it's internal, gastro...something....but don't quote me here....I still have to look it up.   But she also said that because I get these symptoms that I find hard to bear that if we do chemo again we don't necessarily have to do it every other week - all the time.  We maybe able to skip a week here or there and then maybe even take a break.

I'm feeling a bit more positive about this.  When I first heard about the pump, I was excited and ready to do it...but finding two 'new' lesions in my lungs - I knew chemo only, was the way to go for me....now hearing about it - again - I'll find anything to be negative about it....winter is coming and to travel back and forth to the city - you never know...even with going to Sparta - but that is so much closer.

I think I'll just take off the month of October and most likely start in November.....

Oh, Dr. May also said I should 'report' her to the hospital....AND Dr. Halabe (spell??) said that she was NOT the woman that founded this pump.  A doctor in Indiana did...so she 'stole' his research....well, not really...she just jumped right on it!!!!  No wonder why she's so mean!  She has skeletons in her closet!

Thursday, September 20, 2012

very late Thursday, Sept. 20th or Friday morning the 21st

I spoke with a friend of a friend that has stage 4 colon cancer.  He found out a few months ago and I told him of my journey....He ended up going to Sloan and now has a pump!  He also sees Dr. Kemeny and he feels the same way seeing her disposition! but feels she can act that way because she was the one that did the main research for this pump.

He is very comfortable using this pump...he also had a colon resection at the same time he had the pump placed.  He is also going for chemo which gave/gives him the same symptom as I complained of = diarrhea.  Dr. Kemeny gave him a script for it and he used it for the first time...said he was okay - so far....but he also experienced it for six days!  He said the worst part is the waiting to get into the office for either the chemo or the pump chemo.  He and his wife drive into the city for each visit.

I will contact the surgeon (Dr. Allen) later today to talk to him about this.  I'm thinking of doing this.  It really does have great results and the chemo wouldn't be forever...not sure how long....but if the pump is only for 6 months...that maybe the same amount of time - 2 x a month for both = which equals to every week of doing something.....I think.....

I just hate the idea of having to actually 'see and talk' to Dr. Kemeny - again!!!!  The feeling of your fingernails scratching a chalkboard!!!! is the feeling I get just thinking about this!!!!

A new adventure!

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Wednesday, Sept. 19th

I just got back from the doctor in Bangor, PA......Paul took me and Charlie is working so he knows nothing....

This doctor (seems really nice) looked over my blood work and scan results and feels that I should continue with the chemo! and have the hepatic pump placed.....something I really wasn't ready for! He said, as Dr. May has, that as long as the chemo is working I should continue.

According to that sweetheart doctor (Kemeny) she said that with the pump and chemo - I should go about six months - every two weeks to have the pump filled then emptied....I don't remember the exact schedule....I just hope that I can see another oncologist - hopefully Dr. May in Sparta can do the chemo....

Charlie made arrangements to go to S.C. for our niece's wedding the end of October....meaning I will wait for the surgery to have the pump put in....but I'm sure before the actual surgery I would most likely need another scan and then bloodwork for pre-admission testing......

I am NOT looking forward to this at all!!!! I feel so good now! The PA doctor said that I should do a 'coffee enema' during chemo and that should make the diarrhea discomfort a little easier....oh, sounds like so much fun!!!!


Monday, September 17, 2012

Monday, September 17th

I feel soooo good! Like my 'old' self! a reason for not blogging....not much to say.

I did have to go to the dentist today. Two weeks ago, my back molar - a piece broke off...the dentist was on vacation that week and I finally had an appointment for this morning. Thinking the worst...my tooth had to be pulled or capped....but for the first time - I was lucky -- gee, I should have stopped at the store to get a lottery ticket!!! All I needed was for the tooth to be built up....easy as pie! Of course he novocained me and keeping my small mouth open with a waggling tongue and lots of saliva is the hardest thing for me! As always, I survived! I do have to go back next week to have the molar on the other side filled - I have a cavity. Another good thing - this tooth has a cap on it and he said he can fill it with the cap on.....Maybe my luck has changed!!! The only thing about going to the dentist...is I have to take amoxicilin before any procedure...4 of them @ 500 mg each at one time! an hour before...due to having the port. People with heart mummers have to do that too.

I go to see this 'new' doctor on Wednesday. I thought it was the allergist but it's not. Father and son are both doctors and one works mainly as an allergist and the older one (Dad) is the medical family doctor that I will see. I'm ready to change my diet....I see Paul cooking all his veggies - if he can do it....I can too! I'm sure the first thing he'll tell me is 'no' chocolate or sugar.....once it's out of my system I'll be able to handle it.....heck, I'll probably loose a few unwanted pounds too! I will also ask him if he could 'flush' my port...if not, I will go to Sparta either the end of this week - or next week some time.

Still having fun putting together the family tree - right now I'm finishing up the Panzica/Pellerino side. I enjoy the memory portion! We actually have such a large family -- too bad we are spread out all over the place! Cousins that we don't even know as well as second cousins!!! I can not imagine us every getting together.....we'd need a convention hall!!!! Once this family tree is completed I will begin the Marra's family tree.

Nicholas just arrived on US ground - he was away in Belgium this past week. He stayed the weekend to do some sightseeing but he emailed me and said that Belgium was had all their streets closed and no cars were allowed on the roads...they do this one day a year -- and that was then!!! He wouldn't have made it back to the airport if they left...so he went sightseeing in that country....I'm sure he will fill us in one of these days!

Charlie and Paul are closing up the pool today. We should have done it a few weeks ago....we had a lot of leaves in the pool....funny - leaves are still green - except for the ones that are falling on the ground!

Again, as always, I thank everyone of you for your continued support and prayers!

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Wednesday, Sept. 12th - 12:50 am...

Sorry I haven't blogged in a few days....I'm feeling like my old self! Really good!

I still have 'chemo' in me....my hair is still falling out - just a little - but then again, my hair is short...so even a little hair loss looks like alot.....and now that I'm typing this....I think that is the only thing or symptom that I have....which is a good thing!!! I have my energy level back too!

I've been busy, on my computer...I'm putting together family tree's....one for the Sinatra side - that is finally completed and now to work on the Panzica/Pellerino side....then the Marra side....It really is so much fun....learning about family that I haven't seen in a long time or even realizing family that now exists! --My computer programs are old...so when I add an attachment to my emails - not many can open it...so I end up 'copy and pasting'...which is a pain because I have to 'indent' lots of info - to make it understandable...and it really doesn't look as neat as a hard copy.....so I tried going on the Internet to set up a 'web' page to put the family tree on and all family members would be able to 'log on'....Well, after sitting here at the computer and putting in as much info as I pretty much had...I went to 'view' it.....and it was gone!!! I couldn't get back onto the 'site'.....all that time wasted! So, I went back to my old copy and paste....

I have an appointment with the allergist to consult with him next Wednesday....to see if he can help me in any way - changing diet...etc........then I will make a decision.

found out the other day that a high school friend - that we hooked up after years - computer age is great....passed away. I was in touch with her about the same time I found out that I had cancer...and we reminisced and wrote about our lives.....she was single, had open heart surgery in her 50's, traveled the US and abroad, engaged twice but never married...learned about her life in a few emails....then she emailed saying she had just found out she had lung cancer......she was very positive but had a lot of trouble with her chemo treatments....she suffered less than a year and is now at rest.... It amazes me how this terrible disease takes life in an instant. God Bless Cris, RIP.....she was a trooper! and a fighter to the end.

Not to end my blog in a sad note....boy, this weather has been a bit chilly! Great sleeping weather! I have had the windows open during the night...but last night and tonight...the windows are closed!!! Too chilly! Charlie's body is 'hot'....at night...so if I'm cold - I just roll over and touch him!!! warms me up right away! Much better than an electric blanket!......I'm going to bed now....good night.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Thursday, Sept. 6th

I posted my story first then the scan...but as you are reading this...it will show up scan results first then my story....read on!

I hope you don't get the impression that I'm not being positive here. I just think I have had enough of running back and forth for all these appointments. Not that I'd be doing other stuff....but how much longer can I keep this up? I think I'm just frustrated right now...with the doctor and thinking of another surgery......

scan results from August 30th - and my thoughts...

CT scan of chest

I will just type in the Impression and Other results and a few other stuff:

radiation dose: (DLP): 429 mGy-cm

OTHER: Left-sided chest wall port with catheter tip in SVC. Noncontrast liver evaluation further limited by hepatic steatosis. A segment 7 ablation defect is again seen. Partially visualized left renal cyst. Small hiatal hernia.

IMPRESSION: since June 27, 2012
1. Nonspecific subcentimeter nodules in the right lower lobe and left upper lobe, first seen on the prior study and possibly metastases, are stable to minimally smaller. Continued follow-up recommended. Pulmonary findings otherwise stable with no new suspicious nodule seen.
2. Recommend correlation with same day abdominal MR imaging.

--------------------------------

CT PELVIS

radiation dose (DLP): 627 mGy-cm

IMPRESSION: Since April 1, 2011 no findings to suggest recurrence or metastatic disease in the pelvis.

---------------------------------

MR LIVER W/WO CON

TECHNIQUE: Axial in- and out-of-phase T1-weighted; axial fat-saturated T2-weighted; coronal single-shot fast spin-echo T2-weighted; dynamic and delayed hepatobiliary-phase gadolinium-enhanced 3D axial T1-weighted images were acquired using Gd-EOB-DTPA (Eovist).

IMPRESSION:
1. Since June 27, 2012, decreased tumor recurrence at hepatic resection margin. Stable segment 4a metastasis.
2. Decreased ablation defect in segment 7.

============================================
my thoughts:

I just wanted to add the 'stuff' the injected and the 'stuff' that I had to drink for these scans.....what is this doing to my body too?! I've had a total of 18 scans - MRI and CT's.........am I wrong for wanting to stop all of this????

I think of Robin Roberts...she did probably the same - chemo and scans for her breast cancer and was a survivor of 5 years (for a shorter period than I have)...then she gets this bone marrow cancer --- from all the scans, radiation and chemo????

So, when I think of all the complaining I am doing - not enjoying going through any of this - and having done this for 2 years: chemo, surgeries, and chemo again........with the possibilities (yes, I did say possibilities) of something else growning elsewhere or more lesions......what is the quality of life here..........
I will stay as positive as I can and I am really putting this in the hands of God. I will try this other doctor and see what other options I have -- to live a life that I can still do things when I want to.




Thursday, Sept. 6th

OMG!!! Is all I can say at this point!!! Dr. Kemeny is the WORST doctor with the WORST bedside manner ever!!! First of all we left here at 12:30 and 'ran' (literally) for the train in Secaucus...Paul didn't check the train schedule before we left...remembering that they come every few minutes - except for that time of day. If we didn't make the 1:37 train, we'd have to wait until 2:05....Charlie and I ran to the station from the parking garage, Paul parked in valet, he ran before us and got the tickets and we ran down to the platform and made it with 2 minutes to spare!!! Arrived at MSKCC at 2:15 - plenty of time before my scheduled appt. of 2:45....when I checked in I asked how long we'd be waiting....receptionist said about 1 1/2 hours...due to the holiday.........why on earth did I need an appt. on this day?! I could have waited......anyway, we waited and waited and waited = 3 hours!!! We didn't go into the office until 5 pm!!! and waited then too! Spoke with the nurse (who was mean on the phone), then to the nurse practitioner - she's a doll! the only nice one there!!! Then the 'sweetheart' doctor comes in - about 5:30. With all this --- they all knew that I didn't want to do the chemo anymore. I was really there to find out what the scans showed.

I couldn't review the written reports ahead of time - which annoys me.....Dr. Kemeny asked me why I didn't want to continue chemo....then I repeated (what I told the others) - all my symptoms. Of course they all had the same answer...there are medications out there that will help this, that and the other....I am not a medication taker and who wants to keep this 'crap' in me - let it out!!! Dr. Kemeny was okay then....she said....oh gee--here I am babbling and I forgot to say that the scans were good....the 4 lesions did shrink (that's what I said, not her) --- okay back to what Kemeny said......You did well with the chemo, I still don't understand why you'd want to stop....again, I told her why....then she said you could still have the pump put in but it would really be better if you also did the chemo.....I said, I'd never be able to get back and forth here to the city by doing chemo....she said - you don't have to take the 'full' dose, they can lower it. I said, Dr. May said she lowered it as much as she could and I still had these symptoms. She was getting upset by then.....I told her I had to think about what I would be doing next. Now shes getting huffy. She said that the surgeon could remove the one lesion and ablate the other - while putting the pump in. The two lesions in my lungs could be ablated at a later date. I asked again to repeat what she said, then to confirm it she checked with Dr. Allen (the surgeon). After he spoke with her - one more time I questioned what she said originally...then she said that I should make an appt. to see him and discuss what he will actually do. I said, could I do this via telephone......well, she lost it then!!! What a BIACH!!! OMG....this woman stood up and said 'did you see all the people in the waiting room to see me' ...duh, yea, and I was one of them for three hours! and she walked away in a huff saying I'm here to help you, if you don't want me to help you then don't waste my time! and walked out of the room!!! --what a bedside manner she has! I was so upset with her!!!! I'd NEVER go to her ever again!!!! I emailed her when I said I didn't want to do the 4th chemo and should I go for the scans and keep her appt....her nurse called and said 'yes' to all - with her attitude too! ---so I already told Kemeny that I didn't want to waste her time -- I just followed what that stupid nurse said --- all this --- to find out what the scans said. I just couldn't believe my eyes and ears. This woman has a problem and it's not me. We all walked out of there frustrated!

Went to dinner at Mustang Sally's....and we finally got home at 9 pm.

I really hate going into the city.....if we could go and come home at a reasonable time - I wouldn't mind but 9 hours....that's frustrating!!!

With all this said and done....I'm not sure if I want to have the pump put in. I am a positive person that wants to fight....but how much chemo can a body take?! Plus to have this pump put in that would deliver the chemo right to the liver - doesn't mean that the lesions could come back to any other part of my body = meaning I'd have to do the chemo to eliminate that.....meaning=why do both???? I am going to make an appt. with the allergist that Paul is seeing. Paul discussed my situation with him and this doctor has worked with other cancer patients.....so, that is my next option and I will wait until next week (I think, as Paul is working every day this week) to discuss this with him. I'll fight to the end...but don't anyone that hasn't had chemo tell me that there are other meds that will make you comfortable why the chemo knocks the crap out of you....knowing that I have to do this - forever!!!

I will now type up the scan reports in a separate blog.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Thursday, August 30th

Went for my two (2) scans today in Basking Ridge. I thought I knew how to get there without getting lost...but I also thought that the exit for Rt. 78 was a bit farther down the highway off of 287....I was suppose to get off exit 22 but turned around at exit 14!!! Of course Charlie was reading his book and didn't tell me until it was too late! Oh well, going 1/2 hour out of our way....what else is new....

Nice facility, nurse was strange...said that Sloan is the only and the best place to go for cancer treatments! Community hospitals and centers don't know what they are doing (or to put it a little nicer - they aren't up to date!)....made me feel real good - after doing this for over 2 years!!!

Had the MRI first....seemed like it took forever! They said they used a different type of 'drug' but didn't know why it was changed...this was just of the liver....Two times, I thought I was going to loose it...holding my breath! but I made it!!! Just seemed like every time I had to hold my breath - it was over 30 seconds!! which is really long, for me!!!! The last breath hold was about 15 seconds....and I was able to keep my arms at my side until the last 10 minutes - then over the head.

Then I had to drink the contrast...banana flavor (not to crazy about that flavor but that's all they had or raspberry drink). Then had to wait 90 minutes to have the CT scan...this one is the easiest!!! Hold your breath for about 10 to 15 seconds...four times! done! Scan took about 10 minutes - IF that long....and this was the chest and pelvis = what I call the whole body...but it's not.....

Stopped at Sam's Club on the way home.....it was such a beautiful day! Drove home with the top down...too chilly in the morning to have it down.

My back tooth broke off on Tuesday night. I was eating a pretzel nugget and got that feeling....something like a bone or piece of tooth in the chewing process!!! Uh oh!!! (funny thing...one of my friends emailed me telling me that this happened to her...thinking she was talking about me! how weird to have the same exact thing happen - by eating the pretzel nugget!!!) My dentist is closed on Wednesday's so I waited until I got home to call....seems they are on vacation until next Thursday! I also have a cavity in another molar on the other side....and I knew this since the end of May....when I called to make an appt. (in between beginning chemo) they were on vacation then too.....so I put it off....and now.....oh well....what else it new! Just hope the filling doesn't come out!

I'm feeling really good! It felt so good to get out and even stop at Sam's Club without worrying about my stomach!!! This is the way I want to feel!!!!!

I go next Wednesday (the 5th) to NYC to see Dr. Kemeny and hear what the scans show. Whatever she 'suggests' I do....I will tell her - I will think about it! I'm still upset with myself for rushing into getting this 'new' port put in and again 'hating' the chemo! I just did it because I thought that was the best thing to do....it may be....and we'll see if there is any 'good' change....but the next decision will be the toughest one for me to make....and I won't rush into any decision!

Friday, August 24, 2012

Friday, August 24th

This is great! I felt 99% better yesterday! It's about time!!! A full week of running....

I just cancelled my chemo #4 for Monday of this coming week. There is absolutely no way that I'd be able to be scanned in the MRI for a minimum of 30 minutes - now I feel better knowing I can do it!

My skin is still very dry....so flaky....ugh! You can slip off my face with the amount of moisturizer I have on!

Have a few finger/feet cuts going on as well as some mouth sores but nothing that is really bad.

I finally got my appetite back too! Which I am happy with the weight loss that I have...just with eating yesterday I gain 1 1/2 lbs....and I didn't realize I ate anything that wasn't good...well, I did finish the onion dip with some potato chips.....they were sooooo goood!!!! My downfall!!!

Well, it's time for breakfast! Wonder what I will have - probably just an egg and bread....but then there is lunch.....uh oh.....weight gain!!!!


Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Wednsday, August 22nd

I did #3 chemo last Monday (the 13th) AND I'm STILL feeling the side effects of it!!! I just can't take this anymore! It's so frustrating!!! I know I'm a home body...but when you really can't go anyplace - or want to go - I question myself as to 'why' I'm doing this!!!

I put this in God's hands months ago...then changed my mind....was I listening to Him or just doing what I thought was right?

I've seen inspirational videos where people with cancer have fought and then let their body take care of itself and it worked.....I know each and every one of us is different and I know God is there to take me on my journey......I know all that......I have an option that I'm highly thinking of - on the back burner of my mind....

I can see clearer now, thank God for that...it was such a strange feeling - do I go to the eye doctor or wait it out....waiting worked! I have a small mouth sore in my mouth. My face is just a little red and very dry. My eyes still itch. My head is good - no more itching but my hair is falling out (which I have no problem dealing with - I know it will grow back). I have this 'sore' on the ball of my foot...almost like a finger cut on the skin....and walking on it hurts a little...maybe friction from walking around in shoes without socks. This bathroom thing is the worst!

I did make it to and from the food store yesterday...ran into one of my friends and she could tell that I wanted to get in and out...poor lady, after she said hi and another sentence she walked off...I had no eye contact with anyone else - so if you were in the A&P yesterday and you saw me - I really didn't see you!

I emailed Dr. May and haven't gotten a reply. I emailed Dr. Kemeny (NYC) and told her - her nurse called me and said I HAD to go for the scan and see her the following week. For a nurse in her position (working with cancer patients) she was very gruff and rude!!! I asked if I'd be able to see the scans 'before' and she said 'no!' - Dr. won't allow that and she reads them the same day that you have the appt.....I just don't get this! It's my body, my scan - that my insurance is paying for and SHE gets to tell me this?!!! This is very frustrating!!!!

Sam called yesterday, all upset....said she can't come home for Christmas! She has to work the day before and after! She said WE have to go down there....now really....how can all of us go down there for one day? Told her it was her decision to go to school down there and choose that field to work -- we'll never see her on any holiday! She said she is going to try to come home on their fall break - in October......that would be good. I am so happy I have 'skype' if I didn't - I think we'd be down there!!!


Friday, August 17, 2012

Friday, August 17th

I went to bed - with my butt kissing the toilet seat....woke up the same way!!!! Getting up every two hours! How can a person hold 'that much stuff' inside???

I don't get the bad spasms....but I do know when it's coming! All of a sudden I get this 'sick' feeling....almost like I have gas...but, no way, will I attempt to 'try to eliminate' it while sitting on the couch!!!!

Not much of an appetite....more so, when I eat - about 1/2 hour to 1 hour - I gotta go! Poor Charlie and Paul...when they need to use the bathroom - they either have to go upstairs or downstairs...but thank goodness we have more than 1 toilet!!!! We have 4!! and I tend to use the same one all the time!!!

My eyesight is much better. It's amazing when it became clear again.....at least I know I'm not going crazy!

My face is 'red and blotchy' again....it doesn't hurt, my eyes are a little itchy - but I can see!....I'm just feeling a mouth sore on the inside of my cheek...doesn't hurt all that much - but I know it's there.

That's all folks! Thunderstorms hit a short while ago...as fast as they came - they moved on! Marlee was sitting - or trying to sit - under my desk here while I was sitting at the computer...she just has to be told she can go downstairs....it stopped raining and thundering but she's still down in the basement...neither one has eaten their dinner.....which is not unusual - they seem to like it when Charlie is here....dogs!!!


Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Wednesday, August 15th = #3 week

Had my pump disconnect this morning.....had to wait a while and the weirdest thing happened....a gentleman sitting next to me, his cell phone went off in his pocket and decided to turn it off.....then MY pump started beeping....everyone began looking around and the gentleman sitting next to me thought it was his phone....told them it was me....then all of a sudden an alarm started beeping from my pump!!!! I didn't know what to do...I stood up to go into see one of the nurses but she came to the door calling me in. They all heard the alarm and didn't know where or who it was coming from! The nurse tried to turn the alarm off but couldn't and ended up taking the batteries out.....that was so weird!!!! Glad I was in the office when this went off...if I was still home - I would have panicked!!!

Dr. May lowered my dose again this week...due to my face and eyes still red....

The weirdest (I seem to be using that word alot) symptom I have been experiencing is my eye sight is blurry....It was okay the day OF the chemo and the following day...but now, again, today it's hard to see the TV clearly or even to read the TV Guide on the screen....this I do not like!!!

Another symptom is the steroid that I get along with the chemo....this time I slept pretty good and went to bed early....my face had cleared up too...again, I was able to see....I also had a good appetite.

My nose didn't run as much; my mouth watered; hair is beginning to fall out; my legs didn't feel weak this time.

Tomorrow (Thursday) - back - again - for my neupagin shot. I really don't mind going there...it's just the waiting that I hate!

We lost power today....it rained - an not even too hard - but we lost power for about 1 hour...here we finally have the whole house generator and no one was around to 'pull the cord' to start it...not even sure if we have gasoline for it. Charlie is working and called - one of the other people he works with - her husband called her to tell her they lost power...so that's why Charlie called...I told him if the power stays off until 5:30 - he better make plans on coming home for dinner - then go back to work = after he starts the generator!!! He wasn't to hip on that idea! But lucky us - the power went back on! It was actually nice not to have ANY noise in the house...other than Jersey...getting spooked by nothing but having to bark! Of course this happened right as I was dozing off....which came to an end! No nap time for me today! I should be able to sleep really well tonight!

Paul went to the city today and then is baby sitting for my niece's son tonight....he's not sure if he's coming home - he may have to go to the city tomorrow.....

My house is empty! Just me and the dogs! and neither one wants to go out! I turned off the air - so the doors are open and they can come and go...but they are content just being in the house.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Monday, August 13th - chemo #3

My week is all thrown off....I keep forgetting what day it is today! Going for chemo on a Monday rather than a Wednesday is going to make me really have to 'think' what day it is!

Dr. May lowered the dose - again....my face is still red and my eyes are finally able to focus! I knew it was from the chemo! The steroid today has made my face clear...I didn't put blush on because it was so red...but now I look anemic because I look pale!!! no red cheeks!!!

Lots of appointments coming up: Wed. I have the pump disconnected, Thurs. I go to have the neulasta shot (white blood count down and goes down with chemo), then NEXT Thurs. I go back for blood work.....then Monday I go for chemo #4 and Wed. is disconnect...Thurs is the scans = MRI and CT, down in Basking Ridge at Sloan Kettering (rather than going to NY), and then Thursday back to Sparta for a neulasta shot....then Wed., Sept. 5 into NYC to see Dr. Kemeny and see what will happen next....more chemo? surgery for the (hockey puck) pump? ---are we having fun yet????

All this and I have a tendency to be mean to poor Charlie...he just asks me a question and I jump down his neck...poor guy...he has to take THIS from me too.....I'm just a Jeckle and Hyde person!!! Nice to others and mean to the ones that I love.....why?????


Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Wednesday, August 8th

I'm very happy! My chemo #3 was cancelled for today! Of course I waited over an hour and then Dr. May came in (she's suppose to be on vacation too) and saw how red my face and eyes were along with my blood numbers....which came down or went higher....so, now I go on Monday the 13th....I will most likely get a neupagin shot on Thursday - the day after the pump is disconnected.

I feel good....now to see if these few days the change is better for my face and eyes....

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Sunday, August 5th

hmmmm....still Sunday....looking at the calendar I actually forgot what day it is! With Charlie working on the weekend, Paul was home today, Nicholas wasn't able to come here today as he is going back to Philadelphia to work at J & J this week - then has a wedding and off to Texas (he did stop by Saturday on his way home from Philly) and Sam not being home anymore.....my days are all mixed up!

Well, my hair is beginning to thin....I was/am ready for it...even though it's so nice and full right now....Still having a bit of 'bathroomitis'...sometimes it hits...sometimes I'm good. I do NOT get those terrible stomach spams...just an uncomfortable feeling. My face, mostly around my eyes is broken out and kind of itchy. One little mouth sore on the corner of my lip. Scalp still a little itchy but not bad...and my appetite is back.

Wednesday when I had my blood test...the quick one came back great! Friday they called and said my potassium was down, again....I kind of thought that....

I go THIS Wednesday for chemo #3.....to start this all over again....then one more chemo (on the 22nd) and then I go for my scan and visit in NYC the next two weeks....so I will probably skip one week of chemo.....or we have to see what the scans actually show.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Thursday, August 2nd

Went for blood work on Wednesday...they did a 'full' and quickie...all my numbers are good! Not one is too high or to low! But maybe my potassium is low - which I won't find out until tomorrow....

They took me right away....I was even 15 minutes early (I thought my appt. was at 11 - when it was 11:15)....so I decided to zip on over to DMV to have my car inspected...or at least to see if the line was long or short enough to get in and out right away.....as my luck would be...when I went past it I would have been the first one in line - but waiting at the stop sign - two cars went in front of me....which didn't matter at all...by the time they went through - I was able to get my license, registration and insurance card out.

They do it so different....Drove in, woman checked my papers, then asked me to 'step out of the car and sit in the passenger seat'....huh? good grief, you can't question them because they don't answer...so I walked around the car and sat! Gentleman got in and did whatever he was suppose to do...felt weird...always walked to another area while they checked the car. When I got back into my seat the guy was so sweet...he said: 'you look really good in this car' -- needless to say, he made my day!!! Had the top down too!

Came home, then had another bathroom run! and was fine the rest of the day.

Today: same thing, fine in the morning but early afternoon - battle of the bowl...quickie....but still?!!!

My face is broken out and eye area is verrrrry dry! Feels like I've been crying. My scalp is still a little itchy but not bad. Appetite isn't all that good...well, it is like it should be. I'm just not 'snacking'....I made homemade chicken noodle soup...put the pasta in the soup and of course, no broth was left...pasta soaked all the broth up! but it sure did taste good! hit the spot! Hot soup on a hot day!!! the way my mother taught me!!!

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Tuesday, July 31st

Made it to the A&P....and just back in time!!!! Paul is so funny....he gets so nervous when I 'fly' down the side roads....sorry to say but I was going 50 mph in a 35 mile zone....The eruption was beginning.

Other than that...I've been feeling pretty good...still a little tired....my face is broken out too but not really noticeable, my scalp is a bit itchy but not all that bad.

Tomorrow I go for blood work.

Sam and Charlie arrived about noon time and when I last spoke with them they were moving her things in. Charlie said her bathroom is a total mess! Sam called and they will be by tomorrow to fix and clean it....glad I didn't go!!!

Slept really well last night, only got up once, about 5:30 which is unreal for me! then took the dogs out, emptied the dishwasher and back to bed....about 8:45 Marlee decides to climb in bed with me...she is so cute...she puts her head on the edge of my bed - I didn't show her that I was aware she was there....the next thing - she's s-l-o-w-l-y inching her way up to my pillow....she made it and I got up and yelled at her - like she heard me?! NOT....she just either wanted to be in bed with me - or make me get up! Sam called a few minutes earlier so I was up (kind of).....what a character!!!

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Sunday, July 29th

Well the chemo kicked in and decided it wanted 'out' of my body! Played 'bout with the bowl' today.....Thank goodness no one was home at the time....Nick came home shortly afterwards.

This really knocks me for a loop....I get so tired. Nick made dinner tonight: flank steak, potatoes and veggies.....I couldn't get myself to eat anything while Nick and Charlie ate. I did eat some steak about 8 pm...left the rest for Samantha.

Watched Real Housewives of New Jersey - I don't know why I do this to myself....it's such a strange show...everyone always finds something/someone to complain about! They are never happy! I did enjoy seeing them in an RV...especially in a parking lot - no grass!!!

Sam is going back to school Monday night....she's really looking forward to seeing her 'new' friends again...she is so nervous...about packing her car...she's so afraid she won't have room to put everything in....

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Saturday, July 28th

So far, so good....no itchy scalp last night...well, a little but it didn't keep me up. Other than going to the bathroom every hour or two, I slept well! My face is a little dry and flaky - but I can live with 'that' symptom - I just use more moisturizer!

I was able to 're-schedule' my scans at MSK in Basking Ridge rather than going into the city. I will have them done the end of next month...giving me a total of 4 chemo treatments...then the week after I go to the city to meet with Dr. Kemeny to hear the results....actually, I would like to know what they are ahead of time - so I can collect my thoughts and have questions ready for her. I will email her in regards to 'my request'.

Dr. May will be on vacation for my next treatment so I will meet with Dr. Halabe (spelling???), I had seen him once before while Dr. May was on vacation and that's when my face had broken out....poor guy...having to deal with me! When I was leaving the office yesterday - we (me and the two doctors) joked about it. I'm so happy they have a sense of humor! I have to go back on Wednesday for blood work....this going back and forth is a real pain! Oh well, if that's all I have to complain about...that's good!

Charlie is working today, Paul is out and maybe home tonight, Sam is going to the gym and then to work....

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Thursday, July 26 - chemo #2 - day 1

I began typing this morning about 8:30...wrote alot and didn't save as I was going along my merry way...and all of a sudden - lost it...no power! and not saved! oh my...to do it again? Guess I will now do a shorter version....If I can manage that!

Went to bed last night at 1:11 am...and had a great, almost, 2 hours of sleep...no dreams, no plumbs dancing in my head, nothing...like I was comatose!!! then I woke up...for no reason....couldn't fall back to sleep until 4:30 and woke up about 35 minutes later, with Marlee trying to get onto the bed - my side - while I'm hooked up to this pump!!! this happened once before while I was connected to the pump. I put the 'unit' in my night stand drawer and the 'line' hangs from there to my port...I was so afraid when she jumped onto me/bed she was going to break the line...then I'd have all that toxic chemo drug on the floor, bed, dog and me....Charlie jumped out of bed - running around to my side and Marlee got down.....the thunder hadn't begun yet....Marlee went to lay at the top of the stairs....and began barking. She and Jersey never bark at night, even when the kids come home late or early morning...so again, Charlie is out of bed and going downstairs...why??? he wouldn't let the dogs out...I ended up getting my eye glasses and going out to the upstairs deck...remembering this is only 4:45 ish and still pitch black outside - can't see a thing! Everyone is settled in again...and now I'm wide awake!!! but I layed down and fell asleep - UNTIL...6:15 ish....then the thunder began and Marlee tryed to get ontop of me - again! This time I put the garbage pail next to the spot of 10 inches where she tried to get in and I had my pump right next to me...of course where she tried to get on the bed - the pump was right there....UP again!!! I decided I couldn't fall back to sleep and thinking that this storm was going to get worse, I'd blog....well, I did and like I mentioned before, I didn't 'save' it...so I lost it all when the power went off...for about 2 minutes!!! Went back to the bedroom and there was Marlee...on my side of the bed - cuddled up next to Charlie!!!! then downstairs to the basement she went and is still there!

Sam had made me breakfast yesterday before chemo...french toast on white bread...just the way I like it...but I didn't have an appetite....so I only had half of two pieces.....when I came home I had half a turkey sandwich with left over potato salad and two lemon squares...and for dinner Paul made me french toast on Italian bread - presentation grade: 100%....delicious too! Sam was going to the Truck Stop by PA to buy some novelty Jersey items to bring back to school and knowing that McDonald's is right there....I had a craving for salty french fries....hmmm- french food?!! - she hates McDonald's - the smell..but she was sweet enough to get me a small size....soooo good!!!

While Sam was out....Paul was up stairs in his room...the dogs were with me....Jersey and I heard a noise outside but didn't think anything of it...then it happened again...I yelled to Paul to look out his window - garbage night....yep, a bear was trying to get into our well sealed garbage can! Couldn't do it...but Paul scared it away. While Paul was at his window, I opened one of the windows in the big room - if you know what those windows look like - they are low to the ground but not very wide....I couldn't see anything and then the dogs went wild....the bear, according to Paul was fairly large and scooted off to the back yard. of course the dogs wanted out but no way...they would have gone after the bear - wherever it was....Sam ran into the house when she got home - especially holding these great smelling fries! Charlie came home and went out with the dogs...bear gone!

so, right now, being a little tired I feel good, my head itches a little...my nose stopped running, I don't think I'm having anymore hot flashes - so how I felt yesterday after coming home = all seems fine now....I go tomorrow (Friday) to have my pump disconnected. I don't need a nupagin shot because my WBC levels are still okay..I'm sure I will have to go next time....but that's another day to worry about in two weeks!

I thought this would have been short and sweet...but I ran off again....at least this time it was a fairly good, happy read.....

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Wednesday, July 25th - chemo #2

Arrived home about 4 pm....left here at 10:15 - scheduled appt was 10:45....waited in the lobby as there were way too many people in the waiting room for 'only' 45 minutes!

I spoke with Dr. May 'before' this treatment - about my scalp issue...she thinks it is a symptom of the chemo - and being in the sun....now, if you all know me - I hardly go outside! I do drive with the top down - and get sun then...but I am very rarely in the sun - not that I don't like it...it's just too hot! She suggested wearing a hat whenever I go out.

I was fine going to bed last night - about 4 am I woke with my head tingling! and unbearable! I finally got up at 7:30....When I shampooed this morning I used the Epsom salt 'rinse', then shampooed, then used a conditioner...so far it feels better.

Dr. May suggested that I use either an ice pack or wet a towel and freeze it - then put it on my head while I sleep....I will try anything - if I can't sleep tonight!

The one chemo drug was lowered 20% - that may help with the puffy eyes too....

So far, my mouth is salivating a little, hot flashes, runny nose, and sweaty palms....I won't complain about carrying this pump! who wants to hear me complain about that - again!

Samantha and I made Lemon Squares (recipe from a high school classmate) last night and I just ate two (2) squares....they came out pretty good for the first time....next time I think I need to add just a little more 'lemon juice'.....but they did 'hit the spot'!!! Thanks Ed and Susan!!!

Gee, didn't realize it's after 6 pm....I think I better go feed the doggies!!!

Monday, July 23, 2012

Monday night, July 23rd

Just turned my computer back on...these thunderstorms that went through were pretty rough! Thank God we didn't loose power!!!

My scalp is still itchy! and it, kind of, hurts too....so much so that these last two nights were very hard sleeping! I think something is 'popping up' on my scalp....breaking out - at least it feels that way....feels a little better right now and hoping once my head hits the pillow it will be okay!

My tongue is a little tender/sore but not enough to stop me from eating. I did get my appetite back on or about Saturday. My eyes are a little puffy too...feels like I've been crying and a little itchy (feeling I get with allergies)...I've used my eyedrops and they don't help so I'm figuring it's a reaction to this chemo. I'm just surprised that it is coming out now and not last week.....It will be interesting to see if Dr. May uses the same 'formula' on Wednesday.

Charlie was off today....which makes me confused with what day it is....With him not being off on Sat. and Sun....then I really have to 'think' of which day we're on!!! His next day off is Friday.

Sam is getting ready to move back south, to school...she's trying her hardest to put the things she's going to bring back in one place....seems that she has three spots and I'm sure she'll forget something! She is so intent on going to the gym - working out - and working that she's got so many things on her mind.

Friday, July 20, 2012

12:10 AM = Saturday, July 21

My appetite is back! I don't have that feeling of 'depression' or mood swings either! I do have 'some other symptoms'....mouth sores but they aren't bad, my face is breaking out, and my scalp is itchy! I don't get 'bad' stomach spams....but I do 'go'....

Dr. May did give me a script for the stomach spams but I don't think I need to take them yet. Probably next week when I go for chemo #2 (Wed., July 25)....she also gave me protonics (antacid) - that I will take in the morning....

I will take each day as it comes.....

This weather is so weird! So very hot and humid these last few days and now today, I had my shorts on and turned off the air....I was freezing! My feet were cold! I had to change into my pants - and put on socks! Tomorrow is suppose to be nicer and then the summer comes back.....I like to see the sun! The dogs love not having the air on...they can come and go - in and out of the house at their own convenience! Marlee just loves it! Jersey is a little more paranoid...she tends to bark at any 'new' noise and then runs out the door.....dogs!!! The cat loves staying out at night - even in the heat...she sleeps on the roof of my car (which has all this golden hairs on the black top - which some of it seems to be woven into the fabric!) She is calico and majority of her hair is black....but you can't see those hairs....only the golden ones!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Wednesday, July 18th

I know one of the symptoms of this chemo is 'depression'....and boy oh boy....I've got it!!! Not all the time...but I can cry at the drop of a penny/nickel/quarter or even dime!

Just got back from the center and had blood drawn.....Dr. May poked her head in and saw my expression when she asked how I was....she then said she'd like to 'see' me....There are absolutely NO words that can describe this woman! She has so much compassion!!! From a doctor....this is unremarkable! She is so very positive and is trying to keep me there....saying that I've come so far and she can see that there is a future....she said if she felt that there was no 'long term' - she'd say it to me...but she feels so good about my outcome.

With that stated....I'm trying my hardest to stay up beat!

I'm such a strong, Italian woman that has to be in control of everything! With this....it's kind of hard......maybe I'm feeling a bit down because Sam is leaving for S.C. in two weeks (for school). Paul does his own thing as well as Nick....and Charlie too....I'm not one for talking about myself all the time and complaining to any of them...that's why I have this blog - my way of venting.

I kind of feel bad too because other people that I know or are acquaintances have been or are suffering so much more and here I'm complaining of some 'minor' symptoms. I mentioned that to Dr. May and she just said that I have every right to feel badly for myself......

Okay, deep breath....Sam is coming home from the gym - it is thundering in the background but still sunny outside - and we are going food shopping when she gets home.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Monday, July 16th

I don't like this feeling! I'm just tired! After a great nights sleep....I can only do so much - then I have to sit down. My stomach bothered me all weekend....I hate this -- when the kids are home (all here on Sunday) and I keep going into the bathroom - or have them do it all....I just 'hate it'...I know they want to be helpful...but this is not 'their' job....I'm suppose to do this! Sorry...for rambling and not in a positive way.....

I did make meatballs and sauce and Charlie grilled (on his smoker/grill) ribs and potatoes...there was a meal for anyone that wanted....so we will have left overs tonight.

Now that I've said 'that'...I don't have anything else to say....Hope YOU enjoy your day!

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Saturday, July 14 - chemo #1

Had my pump disconnected yesterday....didn't have to wait long at all. Dr. May was out - so not many patients! I was in and out and fast enough that I went shopping in Newton!...just to pick up a few things...I can't remember when - I was shopping...other than the food store.

Feeling pretty good today. A little tired...or I should say that my eyelids are on the heavy side....I think I got enough sleep last night. Got up about 9:15 a little later than usual.

It was so nice being able to shower -- I know that's pretty much all I say - when I have the pump and have to work my way around the 'life line' and not get twisted in it!

I kind of noticed some symptoms...read on if you'd like -- but I don't think I wrote them down this soon after my first chemo......my legs were a bit shaky when going down the steps - but not as much as before; my mouth was salivating a little; for some reason I have a little difficult time not being able to see clearly - at a distance; I also noticed that I get a bit depressed or maybe 'sad' is a better way of putting it. When I hear sad news - I tend to dwell on it; and I get these hot flashes...I've been really good - normally - but notice it more now -- I remember last time that my hands got sweaty (but not this time). I have to keep clearing my throat - when I talk it seems like I have to clear it --what I call: morning voice. Some of these symptoms I've had before and can't remember if they started at the very beginning....All in all, I'm feeling pretty good.

I'm not craving food...I'm eating...fairly normal size portions but hardly any desserts...this is just from last Monday. I do notice it on the scale! Lost 2 lbs...which is really good! I think it's because I'm not eating all the cookies and chocolate and the entire dinner portion....plus my breakfast and lunch kind of fall into one another.

The area around my port is still a little sore...still lots of 'glue' stitches...which I want to pick off! I'd better not...I prefer not having that area bleed! but what a temptation!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Thursday, July 12, 2012

It's only 10 am and I'm feeling great! The day looks beautiful too! Not much to do today....

When I get my cocktail - one is a steroid....couldn't fall asleep!!!! Starving but I held my ground and didn't eat anything! Slept on the recliner in my Mom's room which actually worked out great as I was able to watch TV without disturbing Charlie.

I'm sure I'll cat nap today!

Sad thing is that Charlie is getting use to me not sleeping next to him....our bed is queen size and he loves to 'spread out'!!! and not hear any....any snoring....me snore? I don't hear it?!! LOL Told him NOT to get use to it!!! I'll be back!!!

Samantha went to the allergist yesterday along with Paul....seems she is highly allergic to mozzarella cheese!!! Milk is on the list too and that's what she originally thought - so now she's not sure as what to eat for breakfast or sometimes dinner....cereal was her 'staple'!!! Eggs are also on that list...but in moderation it's okay.

Paul is hanging in there...I really have to give him credit...he is making his own meals (and leaving his trail)...but at least I don't have to go crazy figuring out on what he will be eating.

Both kids do their own thing....which is a definite help!

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

First cocktail.....first of = three original times = with several months to 1/2 year without chemo.

Charlie came with me....I wanted him there to talk to Dr. May (as he hasn't seen her for a long while) and, of course, support...

Typical 4 hour 'ordeal'....this time I am receiving the panatumab and one of the last cocktails that made me miserable! but now in a lower dose - we will keep an eye on it. Dr. says possible hair 'loss' not loosing it but thinning - great! that's what made me feel worse! Finally nice and thick and now for this!!!

I am scheduled for a CT and MRI scan the end of August - that would give me 4 rounds (which I believe is 2 cycles)....and we'll see what is going on.

Dr. May agrees that this was caught at a very good time...the lesions - which most possibly are cancerous due to this being a stage 4 and mestastised.....Dr. May said that from the liver it usually goes to the lungs then other organs....so the 'travel' time is what it's suppose to be! Lucky me!

I have learned this before but as human nature goes - denial.....NEVER SAY NEVER!!! As it is - it has come to haunt me!

Having to have the port put in again....I should have left it and just kept going to have it flushed...but me = na, NEVER....a haunting!!!!

I slept in the recliner chair last night and it was much easier getting up and down...It did bother me a little and took a Tylenol before bed...but I was fine this morning.

Funny, I got up about 3 then a little after 5...thinking Charlie would bring the dogs out about 6:30...but the dogs slept until 7:30! So I jumped up and began my day! I thought I'd get up about 7 - 7:15 and do it 'calmly'....

Arrived at the cancer center at 9 and they pretty much took me on time...about 10 minute wait...then we began.....left there about 1:30 or maybe it was 2....

I kind of feel strange. I don't have the energy...but it maybe from not sleeping right...or just from sitting majority of the day. I am carrying the pump = 5 FU, I think it's called and it is hooked up to my port and I carry 'the bag' and go back on Friday to have it removed and flushed (the bag)...then next week - on Wed., I'm suppose to go back to get bloodwork done...the the following Wed. I do the cocktail - again.....

The worst part...I don't mind going there...and having this stuff done - it's the 'waiting game'....getting there on time but not being taken in for a long time.....frustrating!!!

I have an appetite. I ate lunch while there and picked on some 'sugar' snacks while at home...put in a load of laundry...had Sam and Paul do the garbage....Sam brought home Eggplant Parm yesterday from Dominick's so I will eat that tonight...which I see as I type this - it's almost 7 pm...wondering why my stomach is growling!!! After I post this - I will eat!

I guess YOU are now up-to-date on my 'journey'.....If you don't hear from me - all is well...and hopefully if I do blog - it will be good news too... Guess I'm trying to say - don't worry if you don't hear from me.

I can only say this so much but always remember - I do greatly appreciate your prayers, support and wishes throughout this 'adventure'.

Any information that you hear about statics - doesn't necessarily mean I am one of them....I CAN BEAT THIS! I DO BELIEVE!!! as I am showing you all - that it does pay to be positive and fight!

okay, so I'm not crazy and I CAN read these scans...

The CT scan I originally posted is NOT the one that I received...and does have the info on the LUNG.... here goes:

June 27, 2012 CT of chest ==== the other was of the pelvis (which I didn't realize...duh!)

CLINICAL STATEMENT: Colon Cancer

TECHNIQUE: Multialice helical sections were obtained from the thoracic inlet to the lung bases without intravenous contrast administration.

RADIATION DOSE (DLP): 338 - mGy-cm

COMPARISON: April 1, 2011. Intermediate outside PET imagining does not include CT slices.

FINDINGS:

LUNGS: New right lower lobe nodular opacity measures 0.8 x 0.6 cm. New left upper lobe sub pleural nodular opacity measuring 0.4 x 0.4 cm.

PLEURA/PERICARDIUM: no effusion

THORATIC NODES: no adenopathy

ADRENAL GLANDS: unremarkable

BONES/SOFT TISSUES: Stable imaging of the visualized osseous structures. No new destructive lesions.

OTHER: Limited, incomplete, unenhanced evaluation of the upper abdomen demonstrates liver lesions coming occluding a segment 7 ablation defect. Correlate with MRI imaging.

IMPRESSION:
1. Since April 1, 2011, new subcentimeter right lower lobe and left upper lobe pulmonary nodules, possibly representing metastases. Follow-up recommended.

signed......

===========================

Now remember that a few weeks prior my CEA level was/is 10.7 = great number - still should be lower - but these findings are good to be found right now!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Tuesday, July 10th - port 'installed'

Anticipation....no matter how much you think it shouldn't bother you...it does...and once it's over...what a relief!!

Just the thought of having to go to the hospital and even knowing what they are going to do....isn't a pleasant feeling. Between Newton and Sloan - the 'sounds' and 'smell' are different. Being in Newton brought back memories of when my Mom was in the emergency room - with the 'beeping' of the monitors. I think they are all the same - but this hospital sounded different...or maybe it was just a flash back memory.

We left here (Charlie and I), at 10:35 to get there at 11....checked in....then went to the outpatient area....Dr. O'Brien was running ahead of time! Which is funny....the nurses know and I - as using him more than several times....that he is never early. But today he was! I was scheduled for surgery at 1 and they took me at 12:15! Left the hospital at 2 ish...

It was so nice to drive less than one half hour to get to the hospital in Newton rather than driving and parking the car and taking over 2 hours to get to NYC....and being home so early too...no traffic!!!

They gave me a choice of fluids: apple juice, soda, or water...I opted for the apple juice...boy did that taste good going down! Came home and made pizza (for one). Charlie and Paul went food shopping. I checked what they bought when they came home....of course - they did a great job but...they did forget a few items...I have a tendency to over buy...so I still have 'some' stuff that I originally wanted...sale items....oh well....next week I'll get them and re-stock!

The 'new' installed port is a little uncomfortable....although I may take a pain pill...it's really not that bad - just when I get up and down ---guess I'm moving the muscles in my upper chest when I move....I will probably sleep on one of our recliner chairs tonight too. It maybe a little more comfortable than trying to lay on my back or right side or even getting up out of bed during the night - to do my thing....(my old lady thing: getting up to use the bathroom!)

Tomorrow Charlie is coming with me for my first chemo - last one was way back in January! I can go alone but I told Charlie if he has any questions - this is the time to ask!

The waiting game begins - again!

Monday, July 9, 2012

Monday, July 9th

My computer is sick! Has lots of 'threats' on it...but I'm not contagious!!!! If you get anything...it's not from me!

I am scheduled for tomorrow (Tuesday) to have the 'new' port put in. I had it removed when I had the one liver lesion ablated in April....that last round of chemo did me in and I just didn't ever want to go through that again.....but now....I have to do it all over again!

Then on Wednesday I start my chemo 'cocktail' all over again. Not sure how long I will have to go...as I am scheduled for a CT and MRI scan the end of August and the first week of Sept. I have an appt. in NYC to see Dr. Kemeny again. Right now the cocktail will be administered in Sparta and both doctors: Dr. K and Dr. May will work together to decide on 'what' cocktail and the amount to be given.

They say, as I forgot, that I shouldn't work until 10 days after the port is in....so I'll have a mini vacation.

Today I changed my bed sheets so I don't have to worry about that. Last night I totally enjoyed sleeping on my left side with my arm under the pillow...which will be very uncomfortable once the port is put back in. Very busy today....

And so, a new journey begins....................last round of chemo ended January 4th; ablation and port removed on April 4th; and now a new port and chemo.......

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Thursday, July 5, 2012

When a holiday falls in the middle of the week - I never remember what day it is....I now know it's Thursday! but I will still have to look at a calendar if you'd ask me again!!

Went to finally have a bite for lunch about 2:30 ish....the phone rang - and it was the surgeon, Dr. Allen. He said he was sorry he didn't call me any sooner as he has been in conferences for the past few days. He agrees with Dr. Kemeny that I should do the 'regular' chemo first - to get the two lesions from my lungs....and 'yes' it is written in the report....Dr. Allen also said I'm still a good candidate for this pump....but we will now take baby steps and see what the 'new' CT and MRI scan show --- appointment is scheduled for late August.

I also asked him 'why' I would still need regular chemo while getting this chemo with the pump. He said he's not too sure IF that would be needed after these new lesions are gone (liver and lungs)....but I'd have to be monitored very closely - having the scans.....

I also mentioned to him about the waiting time - while waiting I would greatly appreciate hearing 'any' news (good or bad) ahead of time so I can deal with the situation. He said he would note that in my file and agrees with me.

Then I lost my appetite! I did get it back a short while later!!! Heavens to Betsy - ME, how could I ever skip a meal???!!!!

I also received a call from Dr. May's nurse and she is going to see if I can do the chemo next week - the day after or next to begin the chemo.....I also said that Dr. Kemeny would 'suggest' what chemo to use. She and Dr. May would work together. So, she will see if they have the Panatumab in - or Dr. K. said she would be able to get it....

Oh this is so exciting! NOT....to begin all this - again....One step forward - two steps back....but I'm still alive! and feeling quite well!

I'll never stop saying this....Thank YOU (all) for emailing me back and expressing your feelings of support! I think you are all special - giving words of being positive when it's so hard to find them yourself....for those of you that 'have no words to share'....I understand!!! Everyone expresses themselves in different ways....but I did want to 'thank you' for being there - on the other end - reading (listening) to my woes.

comments....FYI

FYI....
just in case you try to leave a 'comment'...for some unknown reason - I haven't gotten them....so if you'd like to 'comment'...just send me an email....

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

The Palm Beach Post REAL NEWS STARTS HERE - Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Doc's poem a tribute to survivors

Dr. Jerome Spunberg is a radiation oncologist who has worked in South Florida for more than two decades. He is a poet and wrote a poem for a group of survivors in 2002. He showed it to me and I thought the sentiments were still applicable 10 years later. Here is a tribute to survivors -- past, present and future:

Our lives are unpredictable, so little we control
So much is still a mystery -- our origins, our soul
We often pause to wonder why things happen as they do
We all must face our challenges, it could be me or you
But how we play the cards we're dealt, is something we control
We're often really unprepared to play our given role.
We often learn right on the job, the job that must be done
In caring for someone we love, a mother, a friend, or son.
We all are born with instincts, chief among them to survive
There is a force within us pushing us to stay alive

A force we're not aware of until threat of death appears
A force that helps us overcome our squeamishness and fears
A force that moves you to go on, when you feel like turning back
A force that keep you on the path, like horses on a track
A force that makes you stronger than you ever thought you'd be
A force that's inspirational, that sets your spirit free
And all of you are testament to courage at its best
The courage to put pessimism, hopeless to rest
The courage that inspires you to go that extra mile
The courage to come in that day, when you would rather quit
The courage to get up and walk when you would rather sit
The courage to sit down to eat, when food has no appeal
The courage to go on with life no matter how you feel
To celebrate how far you've come, how much you have endured
So much doubt, uncertainty, the outcome not assured
To reach this point, to stand up proud, knowing that the way,
The secret to survival is to take it day by day
And so we now salute you, for you all we do admire
Your presence here is moving, you encourage, you inspire
You are a prime example of the heroes we can be
The strength that we discover as we face adversity
So raise your glasses high and toast the heroes that you are
Ordinary people with the strength to get this far
Living proof to everyone that we all have the drive
To live life to the fullest, yes, able all, to survive!

==========
Dr. Melanie Bone is a cancer survivor and gynecologist who practices in West Pal Beach. Have a question? Go to http://www.cancersensibiltyfoundation.org/ or PalmBeachPost.com/health (click on the 'ask a question' link). Any questions submitted to Dr. Bone will be considered for her column. You may also visit http://www.cancershopusa.com/












The courage to put pessimism, hopelessness to rest.
The courage to wake up each day, and try to wear a smile
The courage that inspires you fo go that extra mile
The courage to come in that day, when you would rather call it quits

CT PELVIS W/O CONTRAST

June 27, 2012

CLINICAL STATEMENT: Colon Cancer

TECHNIQUE: Multislice helical sections were obtained from the iliac crests tot eh public symphysis after oral contrast administration.

RADIATION DOSE (DLP): 509 mGy-cm

COMPARISON: CT of the pelvis dated April 1, 2011

FINDINGS:

PELVIC NODES: no adenopathy

PELVIC ORGANS: unremarkable

PERITONEUM/MESENTERY/BOWEL: Status post sigmoid resection.

BONES/SOFT TISSUES: Small punctate sclerotic lesion in the left acetabulum is stable and probably a bone island.

OTHER: NONE

IMPRESSION:
1. Since April 1, 2011 no findings to suggest metastatic disease in the pelvis

============

am I naive? and in denial? do I not want to see what Dr. Kemeny saw??? where does it state two new lesions in my lungs????

----------

MR LIVER W/WO CONTRAST

June 27, 2012 MRI of abdomen

CLINICAL STATEMENT: Colon cancer

TECHNIQUE: Axial in- and out-of-phase T1-weighted; axial fat-saturated T2- weighted: coronal single-shot fast spin-echo T2-weighted; and dynamic Gadolinium-enhanced axial T1-weighted images were acquired.

COMPARISON: May 25, 2012

FINDINGS:

HEPATOBILIARY: Diffuse fatty liver. Stable 1.4 cm hemagioma in segment 7 and 1.1 cm hemagioma in segment 2 (since July 2011). Decreased size of ablation defect in segment 7 and associated linear ablation tract. Increased segment 4A liver metastasis measuring 1.0 x 1.0 cm, previously 0.8 x .05 cm. Increase in marginal recurrence along a segment 5/6 surgical margin, measuring 1.8 x 1.4 cm, previously 1.3 x 1.1 cm. No biliary dilatation. Conventional hepatic arterial anatomy.

SPLEEN: Unremarkable

PANCREAS: Unremarkable

ADRENAL GLANDS: Unremarkable

KIDNEYS: Bilateral renal cysts, including a right renal hemorrhagic/proteinaceous cyst. No hydronephrosis.

ABDOMINOPELIVIC NODES: No adenopathy

BONES/SOFT TISSUES: Unremarkable

OTHER: None

IMPRESSION:

1. Since May 25, 2012, increase in size of segment 4A and segment 6 liver metastases.
2. Conventional hepatic arterial anatomy.
==============================

so where does the two lesions show on the lungs????

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