Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Tuesday, July 31st

Made it to the A&P....and just back in time!!!! Paul is so funny....he gets so nervous when I 'fly' down the side roads....sorry to say but I was going 50 mph in a 35 mile zone....The eruption was beginning.

Other than that...I've been feeling pretty good...still a little tired....my face is broken out too but not really noticeable, my scalp is a bit itchy but not all that bad.

Tomorrow I go for blood work.

Sam and Charlie arrived about noon time and when I last spoke with them they were moving her things in. Charlie said her bathroom is a total mess! Sam called and they will be by tomorrow to fix and clean it....glad I didn't go!!!

Slept really well last night, only got up once, about 5:30 which is unreal for me! then took the dogs out, emptied the dishwasher and back to bed....about 8:45 Marlee decides to climb in bed with me...she is so cute...she puts her head on the edge of my bed - I didn't show her that I was aware she was there....the next thing - she's s-l-o-w-l-y inching her way up to my pillow....she made it and I got up and yelled at her - like she heard me?! NOT....she just either wanted to be in bed with me - or make me get up! Sam called a few minutes earlier so I was up (kind of).....what a character!!!

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Sunday, July 29th

Well the chemo kicked in and decided it wanted 'out' of my body! Played 'bout with the bowl' today.....Thank goodness no one was home at the time....Nick came home shortly afterwards.

This really knocks me for a loop....I get so tired. Nick made dinner tonight: flank steak, potatoes and veggies.....I couldn't get myself to eat anything while Nick and Charlie ate. I did eat some steak about 8 pm...left the rest for Samantha.

Watched Real Housewives of New Jersey - I don't know why I do this to myself....it's such a strange show...everyone always finds something/someone to complain about! They are never happy! I did enjoy seeing them in an RV...especially in a parking lot - no grass!!!

Sam is going back to school Monday night....she's really looking forward to seeing her 'new' friends again...she is so nervous...about packing her car...she's so afraid she won't have room to put everything in....

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Saturday, July 28th

So far, so good....no itchy scalp last night...well, a little but it didn't keep me up. Other than going to the bathroom every hour or two, I slept well! My face is a little dry and flaky - but I can live with 'that' symptom - I just use more moisturizer!

I was able to 're-schedule' my scans at MSK in Basking Ridge rather than going into the city. I will have them done the end of next month...giving me a total of 4 chemo treatments...then the week after I go to the city to meet with Dr. Kemeny to hear the results....actually, I would like to know what they are ahead of time - so I can collect my thoughts and have questions ready for her. I will email her in regards to 'my request'.

Dr. May will be on vacation for my next treatment so I will meet with Dr. Halabe (spelling???), I had seen him once before while Dr. May was on vacation and that's when my face had broken out....poor guy...having to deal with me! When I was leaving the office yesterday - we (me and the two doctors) joked about it. I'm so happy they have a sense of humor! I have to go back on Wednesday for blood work....this going back and forth is a real pain! Oh well, if that's all I have to complain about...that's good!

Charlie is working today, Paul is out and maybe home tonight, Sam is going to the gym and then to work....

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Thursday, July 26 - chemo #2 - day 1

I began typing this morning about 8:30...wrote alot and didn't save as I was going along my merry way...and all of a sudden - lost it...no power! and not saved! oh my...to do it again? Guess I will now do a shorter version....If I can manage that!

Went to bed last night at 1:11 am...and had a great, almost, 2 hours of sleep...no dreams, no plumbs dancing in my head, nothing...like I was comatose!!! then I woke up...for no reason....couldn't fall back to sleep until 4:30 and woke up about 35 minutes later, with Marlee trying to get onto the bed - my side - while I'm hooked up to this pump!!! this happened once before while I was connected to the pump. I put the 'unit' in my night stand drawer and the 'line' hangs from there to my port...I was so afraid when she jumped onto me/bed she was going to break the line...then I'd have all that toxic chemo drug on the floor, bed, dog and me....Charlie jumped out of bed - running around to my side and Marlee got down.....the thunder hadn't begun yet....Marlee went to lay at the top of the stairs....and began barking. She and Jersey never bark at night, even when the kids come home late or early morning...so again, Charlie is out of bed and going downstairs...why??? he wouldn't let the dogs out...I ended up getting my eye glasses and going out to the upstairs deck...remembering this is only 4:45 ish and still pitch black outside - can't see a thing! Everyone is settled in again...and now I'm wide awake!!! but I layed down and fell asleep - UNTIL...6:15 ish....then the thunder began and Marlee tryed to get ontop of me - again! This time I put the garbage pail next to the spot of 10 inches where she tried to get in and I had my pump right next to me...of course where she tried to get on the bed - the pump was right there....UP again!!! I decided I couldn't fall back to sleep and thinking that this storm was going to get worse, I'd blog....well, I did and like I mentioned before, I didn't 'save' it...so I lost it all when the power went off...for about 2 minutes!!! Went back to the bedroom and there was Marlee...on my side of the bed - cuddled up next to Charlie!!!! then downstairs to the basement she went and is still there!

Sam had made me breakfast yesterday before chemo...french toast on white bread...just the way I like it...but I didn't have an appetite....so I only had half of two pieces.....when I came home I had half a turkey sandwich with left over potato salad and two lemon squares...and for dinner Paul made me french toast on Italian bread - presentation grade: 100%....delicious too! Sam was going to the Truck Stop by PA to buy some novelty Jersey items to bring back to school and knowing that McDonald's is right there....I had a craving for salty french fries....hmmm- french food?!! - she hates McDonald's - the smell..but she was sweet enough to get me a small size....soooo good!!!

While Sam was out....Paul was up stairs in his room...the dogs were with me....Jersey and I heard a noise outside but didn't think anything of it...then it happened again...I yelled to Paul to look out his window - garbage night....yep, a bear was trying to get into our well sealed garbage can! Couldn't do it...but Paul scared it away. While Paul was at his window, I opened one of the windows in the big room - if you know what those windows look like - they are low to the ground but not very wide....I couldn't see anything and then the dogs went wild....the bear, according to Paul was fairly large and scooted off to the back yard. of course the dogs wanted out but no way...they would have gone after the bear - wherever it was....Sam ran into the house when she got home - especially holding these great smelling fries! Charlie came home and went out with the dogs...bear gone!

so, right now, being a little tired I feel good, my head itches a little...my nose stopped running, I don't think I'm having anymore hot flashes - so how I felt yesterday after coming home = all seems fine now....I go tomorrow (Friday) to have my pump disconnected. I don't need a nupagin shot because my WBC levels are still okay..I'm sure I will have to go next time....but that's another day to worry about in two weeks!

I thought this would have been short and sweet...but I ran off again....at least this time it was a fairly good, happy read.....

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Wednesday, July 25th - chemo #2

Arrived home about 4 pm....left here at 10:15 - scheduled appt was 10:45....waited in the lobby as there were way too many people in the waiting room for 'only' 45 minutes!

I spoke with Dr. May 'before' this treatment - about my scalp issue...she thinks it is a symptom of the chemo - and being in the sun....now, if you all know me - I hardly go outside! I do drive with the top down - and get sun then...but I am very rarely in the sun - not that I don't like it...it's just too hot! She suggested wearing a hat whenever I go out.

I was fine going to bed last night - about 4 am I woke with my head tingling! and unbearable! I finally got up at 7:30....When I shampooed this morning I used the Epsom salt 'rinse', then shampooed, then used a conditioner...so far it feels better.

Dr. May suggested that I use either an ice pack or wet a towel and freeze it - then put it on my head while I sleep....I will try anything - if I can't sleep tonight!

The one chemo drug was lowered 20% - that may help with the puffy eyes too....

So far, my mouth is salivating a little, hot flashes, runny nose, and sweaty palms....I won't complain about carrying this pump! who wants to hear me complain about that - again!

Samantha and I made Lemon Squares (recipe from a high school classmate) last night and I just ate two (2) squares....they came out pretty good for the first time....next time I think I need to add just a little more 'lemon juice'.....but they did 'hit the spot'!!! Thanks Ed and Susan!!!

Gee, didn't realize it's after 6 pm....I think I better go feed the doggies!!!

Monday, July 23, 2012

Monday night, July 23rd

Just turned my computer back on...these thunderstorms that went through were pretty rough! Thank God we didn't loose power!!!

My scalp is still itchy! and it, kind of, hurts too....so much so that these last two nights were very hard sleeping! I think something is 'popping up' on my scalp....breaking out - at least it feels that way....feels a little better right now and hoping once my head hits the pillow it will be okay!

My tongue is a little tender/sore but not enough to stop me from eating. I did get my appetite back on or about Saturday. My eyes are a little puffy too...feels like I've been crying and a little itchy (feeling I get with allergies)...I've used my eyedrops and they don't help so I'm figuring it's a reaction to this chemo. I'm just surprised that it is coming out now and not last week.....It will be interesting to see if Dr. May uses the same 'formula' on Wednesday.

Charlie was off today....which makes me confused with what day it is....With him not being off on Sat. and Sun....then I really have to 'think' of which day we're on!!! His next day off is Friday.

Sam is getting ready to move back south, to school...she's trying her hardest to put the things she's going to bring back in one place....seems that she has three spots and I'm sure she'll forget something! She is so intent on going to the gym - working out - and working that she's got so many things on her mind.

Friday, July 20, 2012

12:10 AM = Saturday, July 21

My appetite is back! I don't have that feeling of 'depression' or mood swings either! I do have 'some other symptoms'....mouth sores but they aren't bad, my face is breaking out, and my scalp is itchy! I don't get 'bad' stomach spams....but I do 'go'....

Dr. May did give me a script for the stomach spams but I don't think I need to take them yet. Probably next week when I go for chemo #2 (Wed., July 25)....she also gave me protonics (antacid) - that I will take in the morning....

I will take each day as it comes.....

This weather is so weird! So very hot and humid these last few days and now today, I had my shorts on and turned off the air....I was freezing! My feet were cold! I had to change into my pants - and put on socks! Tomorrow is suppose to be nicer and then the summer comes back.....I like to see the sun! The dogs love not having the air on...they can come and go - in and out of the house at their own convenience! Marlee just loves it! Jersey is a little more paranoid...she tends to bark at any 'new' noise and then runs out the door.....dogs!!! The cat loves staying out at night - even in the heat...she sleeps on the roof of my car (which has all this golden hairs on the black top - which some of it seems to be woven into the fabric!) She is calico and majority of her hair is black....but you can't see those hairs....only the golden ones!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Wednesday, July 18th

I know one of the symptoms of this chemo is 'depression'....and boy oh boy....I've got it!!! Not all the time...but I can cry at the drop of a penny/nickel/quarter or even dime!

Just got back from the center and had blood drawn.....Dr. May poked her head in and saw my expression when she asked how I was....she then said she'd like to 'see' me....There are absolutely NO words that can describe this woman! She has so much compassion!!! From a doctor....this is unremarkable! She is so very positive and is trying to keep me there....saying that I've come so far and she can see that there is a future....she said if she felt that there was no 'long term' - she'd say it to me...but she feels so good about my outcome.

With that stated....I'm trying my hardest to stay up beat!

I'm such a strong, Italian woman that has to be in control of everything! With this....it's kind of hard......maybe I'm feeling a bit down because Sam is leaving for S.C. in two weeks (for school). Paul does his own thing as well as Nick....and Charlie too....I'm not one for talking about myself all the time and complaining to any of them...that's why I have this blog - my way of venting.

I kind of feel bad too because other people that I know or are acquaintances have been or are suffering so much more and here I'm complaining of some 'minor' symptoms. I mentioned that to Dr. May and she just said that I have every right to feel badly for myself......

Okay, deep breath....Sam is coming home from the gym - it is thundering in the background but still sunny outside - and we are going food shopping when she gets home.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Monday, July 16th

I don't like this feeling! I'm just tired! After a great nights sleep....I can only do so much - then I have to sit down. My stomach bothered me all weekend....I hate this -- when the kids are home (all here on Sunday) and I keep going into the bathroom - or have them do it all....I just 'hate it'...I know they want to be helpful...but this is not 'their' job....I'm suppose to do this! Sorry...for rambling and not in a positive way.....

I did make meatballs and sauce and Charlie grilled (on his smoker/grill) ribs and potatoes...there was a meal for anyone that wanted....so we will have left overs tonight.

Now that I've said 'that'...I don't have anything else to say....Hope YOU enjoy your day!

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Saturday, July 14 - chemo #1

Had my pump disconnected yesterday....didn't have to wait long at all. Dr. May was out - so not many patients! I was in and out and fast enough that I went shopping in Newton!...just to pick up a few things...I can't remember when - I was shopping...other than the food store.

Feeling pretty good today. A little tired...or I should say that my eyelids are on the heavy side....I think I got enough sleep last night. Got up about 9:15 a little later than usual.

It was so nice being able to shower -- I know that's pretty much all I say - when I have the pump and have to work my way around the 'life line' and not get twisted in it!

I kind of noticed some symptoms...read on if you'd like -- but I don't think I wrote them down this soon after my first chemo......my legs were a bit shaky when going down the steps - but not as much as before; my mouth was salivating a little; for some reason I have a little difficult time not being able to see clearly - at a distance; I also noticed that I get a bit depressed or maybe 'sad' is a better way of putting it. When I hear sad news - I tend to dwell on it; and I get these hot flashes...I've been really good - normally - but notice it more now -- I remember last time that my hands got sweaty (but not this time). I have to keep clearing my throat - when I talk it seems like I have to clear it --what I call: morning voice. Some of these symptoms I've had before and can't remember if they started at the very beginning....All in all, I'm feeling pretty good.

I'm not craving food...I'm eating...fairly normal size portions but hardly any desserts...this is just from last Monday. I do notice it on the scale! Lost 2 lbs...which is really good! I think it's because I'm not eating all the cookies and chocolate and the entire dinner portion....plus my breakfast and lunch kind of fall into one another.

The area around my port is still a little sore...still lots of 'glue' stitches...which I want to pick off! I'd better not...I prefer not having that area bleed! but what a temptation!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Thursday, July 12, 2012

It's only 10 am and I'm feeling great! The day looks beautiful too! Not much to do today....

When I get my cocktail - one is a steroid....couldn't fall asleep!!!! Starving but I held my ground and didn't eat anything! Slept on the recliner in my Mom's room which actually worked out great as I was able to watch TV without disturbing Charlie.

I'm sure I'll cat nap today!

Sad thing is that Charlie is getting use to me not sleeping next to him....our bed is queen size and he loves to 'spread out'!!! and not hear any....any snoring....me snore? I don't hear it?!! LOL Told him NOT to get use to it!!! I'll be back!!!

Samantha went to the allergist yesterday along with Paul....seems she is highly allergic to mozzarella cheese!!! Milk is on the list too and that's what she originally thought - so now she's not sure as what to eat for breakfast or sometimes dinner....cereal was her 'staple'!!! Eggs are also on that list...but in moderation it's okay.

Paul is hanging in there...I really have to give him credit...he is making his own meals (and leaving his trail)...but at least I don't have to go crazy figuring out on what he will be eating.

Both kids do their own thing....which is a definite help!

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

First cocktail.....first of = three original times = with several months to 1/2 year without chemo.

Charlie came with me....I wanted him there to talk to Dr. May (as he hasn't seen her for a long while) and, of course, support...

Typical 4 hour 'ordeal'....this time I am receiving the panatumab and one of the last cocktails that made me miserable! but now in a lower dose - we will keep an eye on it. Dr. says possible hair 'loss' not loosing it but thinning - great! that's what made me feel worse! Finally nice and thick and now for this!!!

I am scheduled for a CT and MRI scan the end of August - that would give me 4 rounds (which I believe is 2 cycles)....and we'll see what is going on.

Dr. May agrees that this was caught at a very good time...the lesions - which most possibly are cancerous due to this being a stage 4 and mestastised.....Dr. May said that from the liver it usually goes to the lungs then other organs....so the 'travel' time is what it's suppose to be! Lucky me!

I have learned this before but as human nature goes - denial.....NEVER SAY NEVER!!! As it is - it has come to haunt me!

Having to have the port put in again....I should have left it and just kept going to have it flushed...but me = na, NEVER....a haunting!!!!

I slept in the recliner chair last night and it was much easier getting up and down...It did bother me a little and took a Tylenol before bed...but I was fine this morning.

Funny, I got up about 3 then a little after 5...thinking Charlie would bring the dogs out about 6:30...but the dogs slept until 7:30! So I jumped up and began my day! I thought I'd get up about 7 - 7:15 and do it 'calmly'....

Arrived at the cancer center at 9 and they pretty much took me on time...about 10 minute wait...then we began.....left there about 1:30 or maybe it was 2....

I kind of feel strange. I don't have the energy...but it maybe from not sleeping right...or just from sitting majority of the day. I am carrying the pump = 5 FU, I think it's called and it is hooked up to my port and I carry 'the bag' and go back on Friday to have it removed and flushed (the bag)...then next week - on Wed., I'm suppose to go back to get bloodwork done...the the following Wed. I do the cocktail - again.....

The worst part...I don't mind going there...and having this stuff done - it's the 'waiting game'....getting there on time but not being taken in for a long time.....frustrating!!!

I have an appetite. I ate lunch while there and picked on some 'sugar' snacks while at home...put in a load of laundry...had Sam and Paul do the garbage....Sam brought home Eggplant Parm yesterday from Dominick's so I will eat that tonight...which I see as I type this - it's almost 7 pm...wondering why my stomach is growling!!! After I post this - I will eat!

I guess YOU are now up-to-date on my 'journey'.....If you don't hear from me - all is well...and hopefully if I do blog - it will be good news too... Guess I'm trying to say - don't worry if you don't hear from me.

I can only say this so much but always remember - I do greatly appreciate your prayers, support and wishes throughout this 'adventure'.

Any information that you hear about statics - doesn't necessarily mean I am one of them....I CAN BEAT THIS! I DO BELIEVE!!! as I am showing you all - that it does pay to be positive and fight!

okay, so I'm not crazy and I CAN read these scans...

The CT scan I originally posted is NOT the one that I received...and does have the info on the LUNG.... here goes:

June 27, 2012 CT of chest ==== the other was of the pelvis (which I didn't realize...duh!)

CLINICAL STATEMENT: Colon Cancer

TECHNIQUE: Multialice helical sections were obtained from the thoracic inlet to the lung bases without intravenous contrast administration.

RADIATION DOSE (DLP): 338 - mGy-cm

COMPARISON: April 1, 2011. Intermediate outside PET imagining does not include CT slices.

FINDINGS:

LUNGS: New right lower lobe nodular opacity measures 0.8 x 0.6 cm. New left upper lobe sub pleural nodular opacity measuring 0.4 x 0.4 cm.

PLEURA/PERICARDIUM: no effusion

THORATIC NODES: no adenopathy

ADRENAL GLANDS: unremarkable

BONES/SOFT TISSUES: Stable imaging of the visualized osseous structures. No new destructive lesions.

OTHER: Limited, incomplete, unenhanced evaluation of the upper abdomen demonstrates liver lesions coming occluding a segment 7 ablation defect. Correlate with MRI imaging.

IMPRESSION:
1. Since April 1, 2011, new subcentimeter right lower lobe and left upper lobe pulmonary nodules, possibly representing metastases. Follow-up recommended.

signed......

===========================

Now remember that a few weeks prior my CEA level was/is 10.7 = great number - still should be lower - but these findings are good to be found right now!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Tuesday, July 10th - port 'installed'

Anticipation....no matter how much you think it shouldn't bother you...it does...and once it's over...what a relief!!

Just the thought of having to go to the hospital and even knowing what they are going to do....isn't a pleasant feeling. Between Newton and Sloan - the 'sounds' and 'smell' are different. Being in Newton brought back memories of when my Mom was in the emergency room - with the 'beeping' of the monitors. I think they are all the same - but this hospital sounded different...or maybe it was just a flash back memory.

We left here (Charlie and I), at 10:35 to get there at 11....checked in....then went to the outpatient area....Dr. O'Brien was running ahead of time! Which is funny....the nurses know and I - as using him more than several times....that he is never early. But today he was! I was scheduled for surgery at 1 and they took me at 12:15! Left the hospital at 2 ish...

It was so nice to drive less than one half hour to get to the hospital in Newton rather than driving and parking the car and taking over 2 hours to get to NYC....and being home so early too...no traffic!!!

They gave me a choice of fluids: apple juice, soda, or water...I opted for the apple juice...boy did that taste good going down! Came home and made pizza (for one). Charlie and Paul went food shopping. I checked what they bought when they came home....of course - they did a great job but...they did forget a few items...I have a tendency to over buy...so I still have 'some' stuff that I originally wanted...sale items....oh well....next week I'll get them and re-stock!

The 'new' installed port is a little uncomfortable....although I may take a pain pill...it's really not that bad - just when I get up and down ---guess I'm moving the muscles in my upper chest when I move....I will probably sleep on one of our recliner chairs tonight too. It maybe a little more comfortable than trying to lay on my back or right side or even getting up out of bed during the night - to do my thing....(my old lady thing: getting up to use the bathroom!)

Tomorrow Charlie is coming with me for my first chemo - last one was way back in January! I can go alone but I told Charlie if he has any questions - this is the time to ask!

The waiting game begins - again!

Monday, July 9, 2012

Monday, July 9th

My computer is sick! Has lots of 'threats' on it...but I'm not contagious!!!! If you get anything...it's not from me!

I am scheduled for tomorrow (Tuesday) to have the 'new' port put in. I had it removed when I had the one liver lesion ablated in April....that last round of chemo did me in and I just didn't ever want to go through that again.....but now....I have to do it all over again!

Then on Wednesday I start my chemo 'cocktail' all over again. Not sure how long I will have to go...as I am scheduled for a CT and MRI scan the end of August and the first week of Sept. I have an appt. in NYC to see Dr. Kemeny again. Right now the cocktail will be administered in Sparta and both doctors: Dr. K and Dr. May will work together to decide on 'what' cocktail and the amount to be given.

They say, as I forgot, that I shouldn't work until 10 days after the port is in....so I'll have a mini vacation.

Today I changed my bed sheets so I don't have to worry about that. Last night I totally enjoyed sleeping on my left side with my arm under the pillow...which will be very uncomfortable once the port is put back in. Very busy today....

And so, a new journey begins....................last round of chemo ended January 4th; ablation and port removed on April 4th; and now a new port and chemo.......

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Thursday, July 5, 2012

When a holiday falls in the middle of the week - I never remember what day it is....I now know it's Thursday! but I will still have to look at a calendar if you'd ask me again!!

Went to finally have a bite for lunch about 2:30 ish....the phone rang - and it was the surgeon, Dr. Allen. He said he was sorry he didn't call me any sooner as he has been in conferences for the past few days. He agrees with Dr. Kemeny that I should do the 'regular' chemo first - to get the two lesions from my lungs....and 'yes' it is written in the report....Dr. Allen also said I'm still a good candidate for this pump....but we will now take baby steps and see what the 'new' CT and MRI scan show --- appointment is scheduled for late August.

I also asked him 'why' I would still need regular chemo while getting this chemo with the pump. He said he's not too sure IF that would be needed after these new lesions are gone (liver and lungs)....but I'd have to be monitored very closely - having the scans.....

I also mentioned to him about the waiting time - while waiting I would greatly appreciate hearing 'any' news (good or bad) ahead of time so I can deal with the situation. He said he would note that in my file and agrees with me.

Then I lost my appetite! I did get it back a short while later!!! Heavens to Betsy - ME, how could I ever skip a meal???!!!!

I also received a call from Dr. May's nurse and she is going to see if I can do the chemo next week - the day after or next to begin the chemo.....I also said that Dr. Kemeny would 'suggest' what chemo to use. She and Dr. May would work together. So, she will see if they have the Panatumab in - or Dr. K. said she would be able to get it....

Oh this is so exciting! NOT....to begin all this - again....One step forward - two steps back....but I'm still alive! and feeling quite well!

I'll never stop saying this....Thank YOU (all) for emailing me back and expressing your feelings of support! I think you are all special - giving words of being positive when it's so hard to find them yourself....for those of you that 'have no words to share'....I understand!!! Everyone expresses themselves in different ways....but I did want to 'thank you' for being there - on the other end - reading (listening) to my woes.

comments....FYI

FYI....
just in case you try to leave a 'comment'...for some unknown reason - I haven't gotten them....so if you'd like to 'comment'...just send me an email....

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

The Palm Beach Post REAL NEWS STARTS HERE - Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Doc's poem a tribute to survivors

Dr. Jerome Spunberg is a radiation oncologist who has worked in South Florida for more than two decades. He is a poet and wrote a poem for a group of survivors in 2002. He showed it to me and I thought the sentiments were still applicable 10 years later. Here is a tribute to survivors -- past, present and future:

Our lives are unpredictable, so little we control
So much is still a mystery -- our origins, our soul
We often pause to wonder why things happen as they do
We all must face our challenges, it could be me or you
But how we play the cards we're dealt, is something we control
We're often really unprepared to play our given role.
We often learn right on the job, the job that must be done
In caring for someone we love, a mother, a friend, or son.
We all are born with instincts, chief among them to survive
There is a force within us pushing us to stay alive

A force we're not aware of until threat of death appears
A force that helps us overcome our squeamishness and fears
A force that moves you to go on, when you feel like turning back
A force that keep you on the path, like horses on a track
A force that makes you stronger than you ever thought you'd be
A force that's inspirational, that sets your spirit free
And all of you are testament to courage at its best
The courage to put pessimism, hopeless to rest
The courage that inspires you to go that extra mile
The courage to come in that day, when you would rather quit
The courage to get up and walk when you would rather sit
The courage to sit down to eat, when food has no appeal
The courage to go on with life no matter how you feel
To celebrate how far you've come, how much you have endured
So much doubt, uncertainty, the outcome not assured
To reach this point, to stand up proud, knowing that the way,
The secret to survival is to take it day by day
And so we now salute you, for you all we do admire
Your presence here is moving, you encourage, you inspire
You are a prime example of the heroes we can be
The strength that we discover as we face adversity
So raise your glasses high and toast the heroes that you are
Ordinary people with the strength to get this far
Living proof to everyone that we all have the drive
To live life to the fullest, yes, able all, to survive!

==========
Dr. Melanie Bone is a cancer survivor and gynecologist who practices in West Pal Beach. Have a question? Go to http://www.cancersensibiltyfoundation.org/ or PalmBeachPost.com/health (click on the 'ask a question' link). Any questions submitted to Dr. Bone will be considered for her column. You may also visit http://www.cancershopusa.com/












The courage to put pessimism, hopelessness to rest.
The courage to wake up each day, and try to wear a smile
The courage that inspires you fo go that extra mile
The courage to come in that day, when you would rather call it quits

CT PELVIS W/O CONTRAST

June 27, 2012

CLINICAL STATEMENT: Colon Cancer

TECHNIQUE: Multislice helical sections were obtained from the iliac crests tot eh public symphysis after oral contrast administration.

RADIATION DOSE (DLP): 509 mGy-cm

COMPARISON: CT of the pelvis dated April 1, 2011

FINDINGS:

PELVIC NODES: no adenopathy

PELVIC ORGANS: unremarkable

PERITONEUM/MESENTERY/BOWEL: Status post sigmoid resection.

BONES/SOFT TISSUES: Small punctate sclerotic lesion in the left acetabulum is stable and probably a bone island.

OTHER: NONE

IMPRESSION:
1. Since April 1, 2011 no findings to suggest metastatic disease in the pelvis

============

am I naive? and in denial? do I not want to see what Dr. Kemeny saw??? where does it state two new lesions in my lungs????

----------

MR LIVER W/WO CONTRAST

June 27, 2012 MRI of abdomen

CLINICAL STATEMENT: Colon cancer

TECHNIQUE: Axial in- and out-of-phase T1-weighted; axial fat-saturated T2- weighted: coronal single-shot fast spin-echo T2-weighted; and dynamic Gadolinium-enhanced axial T1-weighted images were acquired.

COMPARISON: May 25, 2012

FINDINGS:

HEPATOBILIARY: Diffuse fatty liver. Stable 1.4 cm hemagioma in segment 7 and 1.1 cm hemagioma in segment 2 (since July 2011). Decreased size of ablation defect in segment 7 and associated linear ablation tract. Increased segment 4A liver metastasis measuring 1.0 x 1.0 cm, previously 0.8 x .05 cm. Increase in marginal recurrence along a segment 5/6 surgical margin, measuring 1.8 x 1.4 cm, previously 1.3 x 1.1 cm. No biliary dilatation. Conventional hepatic arterial anatomy.

SPLEEN: Unremarkable

PANCREAS: Unremarkable

ADRENAL GLANDS: Unremarkable

KIDNEYS: Bilateral renal cysts, including a right renal hemorrhagic/proteinaceous cyst. No hydronephrosis.

ABDOMINOPELIVIC NODES: No adenopathy

BONES/SOFT TISSUES: Unremarkable

OTHER: None

IMPRESSION:

1. Since May 25, 2012, increase in size of segment 4A and segment 6 liver metastases.
2. Conventional hepatic arterial anatomy.
==============================

so where does the two lesions show on the lungs????

=================================

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

I believe in miracles....miracles happen each and every day! I wake up, I enjoy feeding our pets, emptying the dishwasher and even washing dishes that didn't fit in it., doing the laundry...I enjoy seeing and talking with people, even emailing or messaging them on fb. This is my miracle that happens every day! Waking up and enjoying this day!

I also believe God has given me this journey. Although I did visualize as a long road with a few pot holes along the way....but now I feel it as a roller coaster! The ups and downs the sideways and even going around! And oh how I hate roller coasters!!!! It's even like playing poker....seems I never win!!!

on that note....Paul, Charlie and I went to see Dr. Kemeny at Sloan Kettering. We were to discuss the hepatic arterial pump and all that goes along with it. My appointment was for 2:30...but you all know how appointments go - more so for me - you play the waiting game.....Paul was lucky enough to have a casting call in Midtown at 4 pm....Charlie and I went into the office about 3:30 and waited some more. A nurse practitioner spoke with us and asked a million questions, then a young woman came in with the pump so we could see it and hold it....It is quite large! Then Dr. Kemeny came in....she began discussing this pump then said that when she read the scan results (not sure which one = CT or MRI) she noticed two (2) very tiny lesions which are brand new = in my lungs! One on each of them....okay, I'm human....I cried! Poor Paul was with us - because it was now about 5:30....She also highly suggested that along with this pump - chemo should be administered! I wasn't ready for that one...then she gave me the news on these new lesions....So...now I have to go to have this port put in....I had/have a choice of either as outpatient in Sloan or back to Newton by Dr. O'Brien who put it in originally....you all know me - I opt for Newton....so I have a date of either Monday, July 9 or Tuesday the 10th - they will get back to me. I need this before the 15th as I had all the pre-admission tests done in NY that are only good up to 30 days.... I have a call into Dr. May to find out if she spoke with Dr. Kemeny on what chemo's to use. Dr. K. suggested that I use the Panatubmab (the original one I had as a clinical study drug) and the 5 FU = the bag that I would carry for 2 days and another drug.... I'm so excited: NOT...I will get alligator skin, finger cuts, mouth sores, facial hair, darker eyebrows, longer eyelashes, a little hair loss, but no finger/feet tingling......I told Dr. K. the reason that I didn't want to ever do chemo again because of the last two cycles...she found out that it was the most aggressive approach and if it were to be used again, it would be a much lower dosage so my body could handle the side effects. I can still do the chemo in Sparta.

Right now = no hepatic arterial pump will be 'installed'....if I need chemo for these two new lesions than why bother with the pump as the chemo will also get the two lesions in my liver (which have increased in size from last month -- not alot -- but they still got bigger). I will post my scan results in another blog. They (Sloan) uses a little different language as Sparta...which is a bit harder to understand.

We left the city about 6 and decided to meet Nicholas at a restaurant in Dover (his choice) to celebrate his 28th birthday!!! Sam joined us (as she had to work until 4 pm), and Bre joined us as well. It was a great and happy time!!! Paul had to watch what he ate due to his 'new' food allergies and we all shared two little dessert cakes.

I was telling Paul that I feel really bad for him...he is my son - I am his mother...for him to have to hear all this 'bad' news each and every time...I know it is so stressful to him. Charlie was a bit upset that I felt worse for Paul and not him...I know the love for your very own child is a little different than the love for your spouse....It seems to be equal but I still think it's a little different. The worst part is that they say that they feel worse for me....

When we got home I received a note card from one of my 'old secretarial friends' that lives down in Florida (we've kept in touch). This note came at the perfect time!!! She enclosed a poem that a oncologist in Fl. wrote to his patients 10 years ago. It was printed again in their local newspaper by a cancer survivor gynecologist. I will post that poem separately.

I'm human, first I cry, then wonder where God is...then I get this note in the mail and this morning I read an email from my 'old time school mate' that was a prayer...timing couldn't have been better!!!!

I have one other thing that urks me....If I have to wait in the waiting room for over an hour to see and talk to a doctor...why on earth - can't they call you into their office and let you know what the test results are - good or bad news....put you in another room --- so you can cry or just let what they said - sink in! Rather than you waiting all that time to see you and then they say this to you - how do they expect you to be logical at that point??? My first response was -- I'm done! I don't want to do anything!!! Of course after 'letting go' a few minutes later....I was ready to fight!!! and do whatever is needed.

The doctor did say she sees this very hopeful...as my CEA is 10 and when I began going to Sloan last year for the first liver resection my number was up in the 200's...so she really thinks that I can do this with chemo and then have the pump 'installed'....