OMG!!! Is all I can say at this point!!! Dr. Kemeny is the WORST doctor with the WORST bedside manner ever!!! First of all we left here at 12:30 and 'ran' (literally) for the train in Secaucus...Paul didn't check the train schedule before we left...remembering that they come every few minutes - except for that time of day. If we didn't make the 1:37 train, we'd have to wait until 2:05....Charlie and I ran to the station from the parking garage, Paul parked in valet, he ran before us and got the tickets and we ran down to the platform and made it with 2 minutes to spare!!! Arrived at MSKCC at 2:15 - plenty of time before my scheduled appt. of 2:45....when I checked in I asked how long we'd be waiting....receptionist said about 1 1/2 hours...due to the holiday.........why on earth did I need an appt. on this day?! I could have waited......anyway, we waited and waited and waited = 3 hours!!! We didn't go into the office until 5 pm!!! and waited then too! Spoke with the nurse (who was mean on the phone), then to the nurse practitioner - she's a doll! the only nice one there!!! Then the 'sweetheart' doctor comes in - about 5:30. With all this --- they all knew that I didn't want to do the chemo anymore. I was really there to find out what the scans showed.
I couldn't review the written reports ahead of time - which annoys me.....Dr. Kemeny asked me why I didn't want to continue chemo....then I repeated (what I told the others) - all my symptoms. Of course they all had the same answer...there are medications out there that will help this, that and the other....I am not a medication taker and who wants to keep this 'crap' in me - let it out!!! Dr. Kemeny was okay then....she said....oh gee--here I am babbling and I forgot to say that the scans were good....the 4 lesions did shrink (that's what I said, not her) --- okay back to what Kemeny said......You did well with the chemo, I still don't understand why you'd want to stop....again, I told her why....then she said you could still have the pump put in but it would really be better if you also did the chemo.....I said, I'd never be able to get back and forth here to the city by doing chemo....she said - you don't have to take the 'full' dose, they can lower it. I said, Dr. May said she lowered it as much as she could and I still had these symptoms. She was getting upset by then.....I told her I had to think about what I would be doing next. Now shes getting huffy. She said that the surgeon could remove the one lesion and ablate the other - while putting the pump in. The two lesions in my lungs could be ablated at a later date. I asked again to repeat what she said, then to confirm it she checked with Dr. Allen (the surgeon). After he spoke with her - one more time I questioned what she said originally...then she said that I should make an appt. to see him and discuss what he will actually do. I said, could I do this via telephone......well, she lost it then!!! What a BIACH!!! OMG....this woman stood up and said 'did you see all the people in the waiting room to see me' ...duh, yea, and I was one of them for three hours! and she walked away in a huff saying I'm here to help you, if you don't want me to help you then don't waste my time! and walked out of the room!!! --what a bedside manner she has! I was so upset with her!!!! I'd NEVER go to her ever again!!!! I emailed her when I said I didn't want to do the 4th chemo and should I go for the scans and keep her appt....her nurse called and said 'yes' to all - with her attitude too! ---so I already told Kemeny that I didn't want to waste her time -- I just followed what that stupid nurse said --- all this --- to find out what the scans said. I just couldn't believe my eyes and ears. This woman has a problem and it's not me. We all walked out of there frustrated!
Went to dinner at Mustang Sally's....and we finally got home at 9 pm.
I really hate going into the city.....if we could go and come home at a reasonable time - I wouldn't mind but 9 hours....that's frustrating!!!
With all this said and done....I'm not sure if I want to have the pump put in. I am a positive person that wants to fight....but how much chemo can a body take?! Plus to have this pump put in that would deliver the chemo right to the liver - doesn't mean that the lesions could come back to any other part of my body = meaning I'd have to do the chemo to eliminate that.....meaning=why do both???? I am going to make an appt. with the allergist that Paul is seeing. Paul discussed my situation with him and this doctor has worked with other cancer patients.....so, that is my next option and I will wait until next week (I think, as Paul is working every day this week) to discuss this with him. I'll fight to the end...but don't anyone that hasn't had chemo tell me that there are other meds that will make you comfortable why the chemo knocks the crap out of you....knowing that I have to do this - forever!!!
I will now type up the scan reports in a separate blog.
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