I know one of the symptoms of this chemo is 'depression'....and boy oh boy....I've got it!!! Not all the time...but I can cry at the drop of a penny/nickel/quarter or even dime!
Just got back from the center and had blood drawn.....Dr. May poked her head in and saw my expression when she asked how I was....she then said she'd like to 'see' me....There are absolutely NO words that can describe this woman! She has so much compassion!!! From a doctor....this is unremarkable! She is so very positive and is trying to keep me there....saying that I've come so far and she can see that there is a future....she said if she felt that there was no 'long term' - she'd say it to me...but she feels so good about my outcome.
With that stated....I'm trying my hardest to stay up beat!
I'm such a strong, Italian woman that has to be in control of everything! With this....it's kind of hard......maybe I'm feeling a bit down because Sam is leaving for S.C. in two weeks (for school). Paul does his own thing as well as Nick....and Charlie too....I'm not one for talking about myself all the time and complaining to any of them...that's why I have this blog - my way of venting.
I kind of feel bad too because other people that I know or are acquaintances have been or are suffering so much more and here I'm complaining of some 'minor' symptoms. I mentioned that to Dr. May and she just said that I have every right to feel badly for myself......
Okay, deep breath....Sam is coming home from the gym - it is thundering in the background but still sunny outside - and we are going food shopping when she gets home.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Monday, July 16, 2012
Monday, July 16th
I don't like this feeling! I'm just tired! After a great nights sleep....I can only do so much - then I have to sit down. My stomach bothered me all weekend....I hate this -- when the kids are home (all here on Sunday) and I keep going into the bathroom - or have them do it all....I just 'hate it'...I know they want to be helpful...but this is not 'their' job....I'm suppose to do this! Sorry...for rambling and not in a positive way.....
I did make meatballs and sauce and Charlie grilled (on his smoker/grill) ribs and potatoes...there was a meal for anyone that wanted....so we will have left overs tonight.
Now that I've said 'that'...I don't have anything else to say....Hope YOU enjoy your day!
I did make meatballs and sauce and Charlie grilled (on his smoker/grill) ribs and potatoes...there was a meal for anyone that wanted....so we will have left overs tonight.
Now that I've said 'that'...I don't have anything else to say....Hope YOU enjoy your day!
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Saturday, July 14 - chemo #1
Had my pump disconnected yesterday....didn't have to wait long at all. Dr. May was out - so not many patients! I was in and out and fast enough that I went shopping in Newton!...just to pick up a few things...I can't remember when - I was shopping...other than the food store.
Feeling pretty good today. A little tired...or I should say that my eyelids are on the heavy side....I think I got enough sleep last night. Got up about 9:15 a little later than usual.
It was so nice being able to shower -- I know that's pretty much all I say - when I have the pump and have to work my way around the 'life line' and not get twisted in it!
I kind of noticed some symptoms...read on if you'd like -- but I don't think I wrote them down this soon after my first chemo......my legs were a bit shaky when going down the steps - but not as much as before; my mouth was salivating a little; for some reason I have a little difficult time not being able to see clearly - at a distance; I also noticed that I get a bit depressed or maybe 'sad' is a better way of putting it. When I hear sad news - I tend to dwell on it; and I get these hot flashes...I've been really good - normally - but notice it more now -- I remember last time that my hands got sweaty (but not this time). I have to keep clearing my throat - when I talk it seems like I have to clear it --what I call: morning voice. Some of these symptoms I've had before and can't remember if they started at the very beginning....All in all, I'm feeling pretty good.
I'm not craving food...I'm eating...fairly normal size portions but hardly any desserts...this is just from last Monday. I do notice it on the scale! Lost 2 lbs...which is really good! I think it's because I'm not eating all the cookies and chocolate and the entire dinner portion....plus my breakfast and lunch kind of fall into one another.
The area around my port is still a little sore...still lots of 'glue' stitches...which I want to pick off! I'd better not...I prefer not having that area bleed! but what a temptation!
Feeling pretty good today. A little tired...or I should say that my eyelids are on the heavy side....I think I got enough sleep last night. Got up about 9:15 a little later than usual.
It was so nice being able to shower -- I know that's pretty much all I say - when I have the pump and have to work my way around the 'life line' and not get twisted in it!
I kind of noticed some symptoms...read on if you'd like -- but I don't think I wrote them down this soon after my first chemo......my legs were a bit shaky when going down the steps - but not as much as before; my mouth was salivating a little; for some reason I have a little difficult time not being able to see clearly - at a distance; I also noticed that I get a bit depressed or maybe 'sad' is a better way of putting it. When I hear sad news - I tend to dwell on it; and I get these hot flashes...I've been really good - normally - but notice it more now -- I remember last time that my hands got sweaty (but not this time). I have to keep clearing my throat - when I talk it seems like I have to clear it --what I call: morning voice. Some of these symptoms I've had before and can't remember if they started at the very beginning....All in all, I'm feeling pretty good.
I'm not craving food...I'm eating...fairly normal size portions but hardly any desserts...this is just from last Monday. I do notice it on the scale! Lost 2 lbs...which is really good! I think it's because I'm not eating all the cookies and chocolate and the entire dinner portion....plus my breakfast and lunch kind of fall into one another.
The area around my port is still a little sore...still lots of 'glue' stitches...which I want to pick off! I'd better not...I prefer not having that area bleed! but what a temptation!
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Thursday, July 12, 2012
It's only 10 am and I'm feeling great! The day looks beautiful too! Not much to do today....
When I get my cocktail - one is a steroid....couldn't fall asleep!!!! Starving but I held my ground and didn't eat anything! Slept on the recliner in my Mom's room which actually worked out great as I was able to watch TV without disturbing Charlie.
I'm sure I'll cat nap today!
Sad thing is that Charlie is getting use to me not sleeping next to him....our bed is queen size and he loves to 'spread out'!!! and not hear any....any snoring....me snore? I don't hear it?!! LOL Told him NOT to get use to it!!! I'll be back!!!
Samantha went to the allergist yesterday along with Paul....seems she is highly allergic to mozzarella cheese!!! Milk is on the list too and that's what she originally thought - so now she's not sure as what to eat for breakfast or sometimes dinner....cereal was her 'staple'!!! Eggs are also on that list...but in moderation it's okay.
Paul is hanging in there...I really have to give him credit...he is making his own meals (and leaving his trail)...but at least I don't have to go crazy figuring out on what he will be eating.
Both kids do their own thing....which is a definite help!
When I get my cocktail - one is a steroid....couldn't fall asleep!!!! Starving but I held my ground and didn't eat anything! Slept on the recliner in my Mom's room which actually worked out great as I was able to watch TV without disturbing Charlie.
I'm sure I'll cat nap today!
Sad thing is that Charlie is getting use to me not sleeping next to him....our bed is queen size and he loves to 'spread out'!!! and not hear any....any snoring....me snore? I don't hear it?!! LOL Told him NOT to get use to it!!! I'll be back!!!
Samantha went to the allergist yesterday along with Paul....seems she is highly allergic to mozzarella cheese!!! Milk is on the list too and that's what she originally thought - so now she's not sure as what to eat for breakfast or sometimes dinner....cereal was her 'staple'!!! Eggs are also on that list...but in moderation it's okay.
Paul is hanging in there...I really have to give him credit...he is making his own meals (and leaving his trail)...but at least I don't have to go crazy figuring out on what he will be eating.
Both kids do their own thing....which is a definite help!
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
First cocktail.....first of = three original times = with several months to 1/2 year without chemo.
Charlie came with me....I wanted him there to talk to Dr. May (as he hasn't seen her for a long while) and, of course, support...
Typical 4 hour 'ordeal'....this time I am receiving the panatumab and one of the last cocktails that made me miserable! but now in a lower dose - we will keep an eye on it. Dr. says possible hair 'loss' not loosing it but thinning - great! that's what made me feel worse! Finally nice and thick and now for this!!!
I am scheduled for a CT and MRI scan the end of August - that would give me 4 rounds (which I believe is 2 cycles)....and we'll see what is going on.
Dr. May agrees that this was caught at a very good time...the lesions - which most possibly are cancerous due to this being a stage 4 and mestastised.....Dr. May said that from the liver it usually goes to the lungs then other organs....so the 'travel' time is what it's suppose to be! Lucky me!
I have learned this before but as human nature goes - denial.....NEVER SAY NEVER!!! As it is - it has come to haunt me!
Having to have the port put in again....I should have left it and just kept going to have it flushed...but me = na, NEVER....a haunting!!!!
I slept in the recliner chair last night and it was much easier getting up and down...It did bother me a little and took a Tylenol before bed...but I was fine this morning.
Funny, I got up about 3 then a little after 5...thinking Charlie would bring the dogs out about 6:30...but the dogs slept until 7:30! So I jumped up and began my day! I thought I'd get up about 7 - 7:15 and do it 'calmly'....
Arrived at the cancer center at 9 and they pretty much took me on time...about 10 minute wait...then we began.....left there about 1:30 or maybe it was 2....
I kind of feel strange. I don't have the energy...but it maybe from not sleeping right...or just from sitting majority of the day. I am carrying the pump = 5 FU, I think it's called and it is hooked up to my port and I carry 'the bag' and go back on Friday to have it removed and flushed (the bag)...then next week - on Wed., I'm suppose to go back to get bloodwork done...the the following Wed. I do the cocktail - again.....
The worst part...I don't mind going there...and having this stuff done - it's the 'waiting game'....getting there on time but not being taken in for a long time.....frustrating!!!
I have an appetite. I ate lunch while there and picked on some 'sugar' snacks while at home...put in a load of laundry...had Sam and Paul do the garbage....Sam brought home Eggplant Parm yesterday from Dominick's so I will eat that tonight...which I see as I type this - it's almost 7 pm...wondering why my stomach is growling!!! After I post this - I will eat!
I guess YOU are now up-to-date on my 'journey'.....If you don't hear from me - all is well...and hopefully if I do blog - it will be good news too... Guess I'm trying to say - don't worry if you don't hear from me.
I can only say this so much but always remember - I do greatly appreciate your prayers, support and wishes throughout this 'adventure'.
Any information that you hear about statics - doesn't necessarily mean I am one of them....I CAN BEAT THIS! I DO BELIEVE!!! as I am showing you all - that it does pay to be positive and fight!
Charlie came with me....I wanted him there to talk to Dr. May (as he hasn't seen her for a long while) and, of course, support...
Typical 4 hour 'ordeal'....this time I am receiving the panatumab and one of the last cocktails that made me miserable! but now in a lower dose - we will keep an eye on it. Dr. says possible hair 'loss' not loosing it but thinning - great! that's what made me feel worse! Finally nice and thick and now for this!!!
I am scheduled for a CT and MRI scan the end of August - that would give me 4 rounds (which I believe is 2 cycles)....and we'll see what is going on.
Dr. May agrees that this was caught at a very good time...the lesions - which most possibly are cancerous due to this being a stage 4 and mestastised.....Dr. May said that from the liver it usually goes to the lungs then other organs....so the 'travel' time is what it's suppose to be! Lucky me!
I have learned this before but as human nature goes - denial.....NEVER SAY NEVER!!! As it is - it has come to haunt me!
Having to have the port put in again....I should have left it and just kept going to have it flushed...but me = na, NEVER....a haunting!!!!
I slept in the recliner chair last night and it was much easier getting up and down...It did bother me a little and took a Tylenol before bed...but I was fine this morning.
Funny, I got up about 3 then a little after 5...thinking Charlie would bring the dogs out about 6:30...but the dogs slept until 7:30! So I jumped up and began my day! I thought I'd get up about 7 - 7:15 and do it 'calmly'....
Arrived at the cancer center at 9 and they pretty much took me on time...about 10 minute wait...then we began.....left there about 1:30 or maybe it was 2....
I kind of feel strange. I don't have the energy...but it maybe from not sleeping right...or just from sitting majority of the day. I am carrying the pump = 5 FU, I think it's called and it is hooked up to my port and I carry 'the bag' and go back on Friday to have it removed and flushed (the bag)...then next week - on Wed., I'm suppose to go back to get bloodwork done...the the following Wed. I do the cocktail - again.....
The worst part...I don't mind going there...and having this stuff done - it's the 'waiting game'....getting there on time but not being taken in for a long time.....frustrating!!!
I have an appetite. I ate lunch while there and picked on some 'sugar' snacks while at home...put in a load of laundry...had Sam and Paul do the garbage....Sam brought home Eggplant Parm yesterday from Dominick's so I will eat that tonight...which I see as I type this - it's almost 7 pm...wondering why my stomach is growling!!! After I post this - I will eat!
I guess YOU are now up-to-date on my 'journey'.....If you don't hear from me - all is well...and hopefully if I do blog - it will be good news too... Guess I'm trying to say - don't worry if you don't hear from me.
I can only say this so much but always remember - I do greatly appreciate your prayers, support and wishes throughout this 'adventure'.
Any information that you hear about statics - doesn't necessarily mean I am one of them....I CAN BEAT THIS! I DO BELIEVE!!! as I am showing you all - that it does pay to be positive and fight!
okay, so I'm not crazy and I CAN read these scans...
The CT scan I originally posted is NOT the one that I received...and does have the info on the LUNG.... here goes:
June 27, 2012 CT of chest ==== the other was of the pelvis (which I didn't realize...duh!)
CLINICAL STATEMENT: Colon Cancer
TECHNIQUE: Multialice helical sections were obtained from the thoracic inlet to the lung bases without intravenous contrast administration.
RADIATION DOSE (DLP): 338 - mGy-cm
COMPARISON: April 1, 2011. Intermediate outside PET imagining does not include CT slices.
FINDINGS:
LUNGS: New right lower lobe nodular opacity measures 0.8 x 0.6 cm. New left upper lobe sub pleural nodular opacity measuring 0.4 x 0.4 cm.
PLEURA/PERICARDIUM: no effusion
THORATIC NODES: no adenopathy
ADRENAL GLANDS: unremarkable
BONES/SOFT TISSUES: Stable imaging of the visualized osseous structures. No new destructive lesions.
OTHER: Limited, incomplete, unenhanced evaluation of the upper abdomen demonstrates liver lesions coming occluding a segment 7 ablation defect. Correlate with MRI imaging.
IMPRESSION:
1. Since April 1, 2011, new subcentimeter right lower lobe and left upper lobe pulmonary nodules, possibly representing metastases. Follow-up recommended.
signed......
===========================
Now remember that a few weeks prior my CEA level was/is 10.7 = great number - still should be lower - but these findings are good to be found right now!
June 27, 2012 CT of chest ==== the other was of the pelvis (which I didn't realize...duh!)
CLINICAL STATEMENT: Colon Cancer
TECHNIQUE: Multialice helical sections were obtained from the thoracic inlet to the lung bases without intravenous contrast administration.
RADIATION DOSE (DLP): 338 - mGy-cm
COMPARISON: April 1, 2011. Intermediate outside PET imagining does not include CT slices.
FINDINGS:
LUNGS: New right lower lobe nodular opacity measures 0.8 x 0.6 cm. New left upper lobe sub pleural nodular opacity measuring 0.4 x 0.4 cm.
PLEURA/PERICARDIUM: no effusion
THORATIC NODES: no adenopathy
ADRENAL GLANDS: unremarkable
BONES/SOFT TISSUES: Stable imaging of the visualized osseous structures. No new destructive lesions.
OTHER: Limited, incomplete, unenhanced evaluation of the upper abdomen demonstrates liver lesions coming occluding a segment 7 ablation defect. Correlate with MRI imaging.
IMPRESSION:
1. Since April 1, 2011, new subcentimeter right lower lobe and left upper lobe pulmonary nodules, possibly representing metastases. Follow-up recommended.
signed......
===========================
Now remember that a few weeks prior my CEA level was/is 10.7 = great number - still should be lower - but these findings are good to be found right now!
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Tuesday, July 10th - port 'installed'
Anticipation....no matter how much you think it shouldn't bother you...it does...and once it's over...what a relief!!
Just the thought of having to go to the hospital and even knowing what they are going to do....isn't a pleasant feeling. Between Newton and Sloan - the 'sounds' and 'smell' are different. Being in Newton brought back memories of when my Mom was in the emergency room - with the 'beeping' of the monitors. I think they are all the same - but this hospital sounded different...or maybe it was just a flash back memory.
We left here (Charlie and I), at 10:35 to get there at 11....checked in....then went to the outpatient area....Dr. O'Brien was running ahead of time! Which is funny....the nurses know and I - as using him more than several times....that he is never early. But today he was! I was scheduled for surgery at 1 and they took me at 12:15! Left the hospital at 2 ish...
It was so nice to drive less than one half hour to get to the hospital in Newton rather than driving and parking the car and taking over 2 hours to get to NYC....and being home so early too...no traffic!!!
They gave me a choice of fluids: apple juice, soda, or water...I opted for the apple juice...boy did that taste good going down! Came home and made pizza (for one). Charlie and Paul went food shopping. I checked what they bought when they came home....of course - they did a great job but...they did forget a few items...I have a tendency to over buy...so I still have 'some' stuff that I originally wanted...sale items....oh well....next week I'll get them and re-stock!
The 'new' installed port is a little uncomfortable....although I may take a pain pill...it's really not that bad - just when I get up and down ---guess I'm moving the muscles in my upper chest when I move....I will probably sleep on one of our recliner chairs tonight too. It maybe a little more comfortable than trying to lay on my back or right side or even getting up out of bed during the night - to do my thing....(my old lady thing: getting up to use the bathroom!)
Tomorrow Charlie is coming with me for my first chemo - last one was way back in January! I can go alone but I told Charlie if he has any questions - this is the time to ask!
The waiting game begins - again!
Just the thought of having to go to the hospital and even knowing what they are going to do....isn't a pleasant feeling. Between Newton and Sloan - the 'sounds' and 'smell' are different. Being in Newton brought back memories of when my Mom was in the emergency room - with the 'beeping' of the monitors. I think they are all the same - but this hospital sounded different...or maybe it was just a flash back memory.
We left here (Charlie and I), at 10:35 to get there at 11....checked in....then went to the outpatient area....Dr. O'Brien was running ahead of time! Which is funny....the nurses know and I - as using him more than several times....that he is never early. But today he was! I was scheduled for surgery at 1 and they took me at 12:15! Left the hospital at 2 ish...
It was so nice to drive less than one half hour to get to the hospital in Newton rather than driving and parking the car and taking over 2 hours to get to NYC....and being home so early too...no traffic!!!
They gave me a choice of fluids: apple juice, soda, or water...I opted for the apple juice...boy did that taste good going down! Came home and made pizza (for one). Charlie and Paul went food shopping. I checked what they bought when they came home....of course - they did a great job but...they did forget a few items...I have a tendency to over buy...so I still have 'some' stuff that I originally wanted...sale items....oh well....next week I'll get them and re-stock!
The 'new' installed port is a little uncomfortable....although I may take a pain pill...it's really not that bad - just when I get up and down ---guess I'm moving the muscles in my upper chest when I move....I will probably sleep on one of our recliner chairs tonight too. It maybe a little more comfortable than trying to lay on my back or right side or even getting up out of bed during the night - to do my thing....(my old lady thing: getting up to use the bathroom!)
Tomorrow Charlie is coming with me for my first chemo - last one was way back in January! I can go alone but I told Charlie if he has any questions - this is the time to ask!
The waiting game begins - again!
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