Wednsday, August 22nd

I did #3 chemo last Monday (the 13th) AND I'm STILL feeling the side effects of it!!! I just can't take this anymore! It's so frustrating!!! I know I'm a home body...but when you really can't go anyplace - or want to go - I question myself as to 'why' I'm doing this!!!

I put this in God's hands months ago...then changed my mind....was I listening to Him or just doing what I thought was right?

I've seen inspirational videos where people with cancer have fought and then let their body take care of itself and it worked.....I know each and every one of us is different and I know God is there to take me on my journey......I know all that......I have an option that I'm highly thinking of - on the back burner of my mind....

I can see clearer now, thank God for that...it was such a strange feeling - do I go to the eye doctor or wait it out....waiting worked! I have a small mouth sore in my mouth. My face is just a little red and very dry. My eyes still itch. My head is good - no more itching but my hair is falling out (which I have no problem dealing with - I know it will grow back). I have this 'sore' on the ball of my foot...almost like a finger cut on the skin....and walking on it hurts a little...maybe friction from walking around in shoes without socks. This bathroom thing is the worst!

I did make it to and from the food store yesterday...ran into one of my friends and she could tell that I wanted to get in and out...poor lady, after she said hi and another sentence she walked off...I had no eye contact with anyone else - so if you were in the A&P yesterday and you saw me - I really didn't see you!

I emailed Dr. May and haven't gotten a reply. I emailed Dr. Kemeny (NYC) and told her - her nurse called me and said I HAD to go for the scan and see her the following week. For a nurse in her position (working with cancer patients) she was very gruff and rude!!! I asked if I'd be able to see the scans 'before' and she said 'no!' - Dr. won't allow that and she reads them the same day that you have the appt.....I just don't get this! It's my body, my scan - that my insurance is paying for and SHE gets to tell me this?!!! This is very frustrating!!!!

Sam called yesterday, all upset....said she can't come home for Christmas! She has to work the day before and after! She said WE have to go down there....now really....how can all of us go down there for one day? Told her it was her decision to go to school down there and choose that field to work -- we'll never see her on any holiday! She said she is going to try to come home on their fall break - in October......that would be good. I am so happy I have 'skype' if I didn't - I think we'd be down there!!!